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But today...when she’d swallowed and I’d smeared her with the last droplet of my desire, and she’d looked at me with that aching, breaking darkness that I knew so well, I couldn’t help it.
My body had had no intention of deflating. It’d been inside her mouth. It knew what it’d been missing now and desperately wanted to be in other parts of her. And, fuck me, that first tight, wet, insanely hot sensation of her as she sank over my tip had blown my ever-loving mind.
But then I’d heard a heavy thump.
Followed by a grunt of effort.
I’d moved before I fully understood it was Jack back on the boat.
And thank hell, I did. Otherwise, I doubted the rest of the day would’ve been as smooth. We wouldn’t have all sat down for Nemo burger takeaways or been as calm and chatty around the outdoor dining table.
The entire time we ate dinner, my skin prickled with the electrical current constantly arcing between me and Neri. She’d done her best to avert her eyes from mine because every time she caught my gaze, we both froze. Both sucked in a breath. Both burned.
Not that Anna or Jack noticed.
Poor Neri was hovered over by her mother for the white lie I’d told of her stomach being off. And Neri had vanished into her room after dinner, almost as if she couldn’t wait to get away from me.
I stopped pacing, looking at my door.
I want to see her.
We needed to talk about what almost happened, but...I didn’t have the strength.
I couldn’t get my cock under control and the rip-roaring lust between us was making everything so fucking dangerous.
I needed to tell her parents.
I needed to figure out how to march up to Jack and tell them...
Tell them what, exactly?
That I’ve been fingering their daughter for months? That I’ve had my tongue inside her? That she undoes me in ways no one else ever has, and she’s mine now, not theirs?
How the hell was I supposed to say she now belonged to an illegal immigrant who had nothing to his name, no prospects, and no way of keeping her safe? In their eyes, I was taking their daughter from them for no valid reason whatsoever. I could just imagine myself confessing that I couldn’t live without her. That I needed her.
Those reasons just made me sound so fucking selfish.
Even if Jack believed I was truly in love with Neri, and it wasn’t a silly teenage fling, he’d still believe I had ulterior motives. Still harbour suspicions, even if he didn’t say them out loud. He’d never look at me the same way again, and all that trust he’d given me would be ruined because, in his eyes, I let lust drive me into fucking the only girl available to me. I’d chosen the easy way by choosing Neri because I literally couldn’t choose anyone else.
He’d throw all my own fears into my face because why wouldn’t he think that? Why would he believe me that Neri was always meant to be mine? Why would he believe in fate—when I’d been fighting that same fate all along.
It’d taken me five years to admit that I was hers.
He’d be expected to accept it in five minutes.
And he’d most likely only see the obviousness: I’d pursued the only girl I could in this country, purely to get laid without being caught. Neri had proven she was good at keeping my status a secret. What was one more secret compared to that?
He’d think I’d strung her along to fuck her, and it fucking sucked that I felt that scorn myself. That even though I knew how Neri truly felt about me. That I trusted what we had was real, it didn’t stop my nightmares from whispering filth inside my head that I’d taken advantage of convenience.
He’ll hate me.
Grabbing fistfuls of my hair, I yanked. Hard.
Sitting heavily on my bed, I bit my bottom lip and forced my mind to stop spiralling. If it took me all night to come up with a reasonable way to tell Jack why I’d broken my promise and touched his daughter, then so be it.
I’d find a way for him to see—
Show him...don’t tell him.
