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“No. Dive deeper. Tell me what you need.”
“I need...” She wrung her hands, nervousness pouring off her. “I need to feel the pain again. I want it to hurt but on my terms. I want it to hurt so I can heal my heart as well as my flesh this time.”
“Not enough. Try again.”
Anger puckered her eyebrows. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“The truth. Give me the truth.”
“You want to hear that I’m sick of feeling this way?” she suddenly hissed, keeping her voice down so her parents didn’t hear. “That I’m sick of being this way? This isn’t me. This anger isn’t me. This fear, this hate, this rage...it isn’t me!”
“So let it out.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“How?”
“On me.”
“What?” Her forehead furrowed. “I’m not going to take it out on you. You deserve nothing but my thanks after what you did.”
“I didn’t kill him.”
She winced. “You shoved him overboard.”
“Against your command.”
“Why are you saying this?”
“Because I think you’re furious at me as well as him. I think you’re so tied up in knots you’re going to explode if you don’t let it out.”
She pushed away from the door, trying to move past me. “Just stop it, Aslan—”
“Did I say you could leave?” I shoved her against the door.
Her eyes widened as her back thumped quietly against the wood. “Are you crazy? They’ll hear.”
“I don’t care.”
“Since when?”
“Since I saw your new bruises. Bruises you did. Bruises you caused. I can’t think about anything else. I don’t care about anything else. I don’t care this could backfire spectacularly in my face. All I care about, Neri, is you.”
“We’ll discuss this tomorrow—”
“No. Now. Talk to me. Hurt me if you need to. They’re going to find out about us in an hour anyway. And if I can give you a break from the pain you’re feeling before then...” I shrugged sadly. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“I’m not discussing this with you right before Christmas dinner.” Her chin tipped up. “It’s been a long day. We’re both drained. Let’s just—”
“I failed you, Neri. I failed you by not being there. I failed you for not stopping him. I fucking failed—”
“Don’t make this about you.”
“Use me. Take out your hurt. On me. Hurt me, Neri. Hurt me because I wasn’t there. Hurt me because I wasn’t there to stop him.”
“What? No. I don’t blame you—”
