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He can’t be dead.
Because if he is...
My soul would tear itself down the middle. I would slip into the screaming abyss. I would perish because I couldn’t live without my other half.
While I denied it, I could keep breathing.
But if I accepted it?
If I believed in this funeral and said goodbye...
I’ll die.
Ayla giggled as Mum scooped her up and pointed toward the dorsal fins of curious dolphins who’d most likely heard our engine and come to say hi. I didn’t care if it was Sapphire and her pod. Right now, I barely cared about anything.
The sun shone on my daughter’s hair. Her laughter wrapped around my heart. And I clung to this moment, desperately trying to care.
Right here.
Right now.
If I could anchor myself in this world, if I believed Aslan was out there somewhere, then I could stay alive for the sake of my child.
I could go through this tragedy called life until the day when I couldn’t keep hoping anymore.
Shaking away my misty, macabre thoughts, I focused on my dad. His navy eyes met mine, his salt-and-pepper hair fluttering in the warm breeze. He looked at me so worriedly, so sadly, my stomach flipped.
Before I could speak, he bent and whispered, “I feel so bloody guilty that we didn’t try harder to get him back. It’s been awful these past few years without him. His loss is felt every time I look at where his sala used to be. I should’ve done more. For both of you. I should’ve—”
“Dad.” I grabbed his hand. “It’s okay.”
“I’m so sorry. So sorry we couldn’t stop him from being deported.”
My lungs closed, but I did my best to console him, even though no one could console me. “We tried. Cem Kara has far more power than anyone imagined.”
His jaw worked. “Just knowing you went to Turkey makes my blood turn cold. He could’ve taken you too.”
“I plan on going back again one day. Once Ayla’s older, I’ll show her where she came from. I want her to know she has two countries to call home.”
“But...but what if he takes her?” Dad choked. “You can’t, Neri—”
“He could take her from here.” I stiffened against the ice frosting my spine. “He could take any of us. But he hasn’t.”
“Which leads to a horrifying question of why?”
I had no answers for that. It kept me up at night too. But...in some strange way, I understood Cem a little. He’d killed to get his son back, even if he’d shot him. He knew what it was like to lose a child. I didn’t think he’d inflict that pain on me...as crazy as that sounded.
Ayla was his granddaughter.
His blood.
His last blood.
“Should we do this?” I said, changing the subject.
“Are you truly ready?” Dad asked gently.
No.
