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For the longest time, it was just my mom and me, so we’re probably as close as two people could be. That’s why, even before I she speaks, I know she isn’t a fan of the idea. It’s the long silence that prevails, before she says, “Honey, your retirement is your future. You don’t sacrifice that for anything.”
Yes, I understood that. The penalties of withdrawing from my 401k would be ugly, yes. But this felt more important than that. “I know, but… I really want to make a difference. I want to do something, give hope to people, the way Ruth--”
“Hope and good karma don’t pay the bills, Tenley.” Her voice softens when she adds, “Honey, your heart is always in the right place. But the truth is, if you don’t have a way of sustaining it with regular employment, it doesn’t matter how much heart you put into the women’s center. Those places are hard to keep afloat, even when you do have adequate funding. Ruth was wealthy, and even she struggled.”
I nod, my hopes deflating. But I can always count on my mom to give it to me straight. I’m glad to have her to stop me from jumping off the ledge.
“Okay, thanks, Mom. I’ve got to go,” I say, and end the call quickly after that.
Then I burrow myself deeper under the covers of my bed. My mother might have been giving me solid advice, but it doesn’t mean I can’t sulk and feel bad about it.
So now what do I do?
I grab my phone and start looking for jobs again. This time, I broaden my search to New Hampshire and Massachusetts.
There’s a junior attorney position in Boston that pays three times what I was making at Foster & Foster. Higher cost of living, though. And I bet I’ll be the low woman on the totem pole, and have to claw my way up. Again.
The thought makes me exhausted. Not to mention, how long is the commute by train into Boston? Like two hours, each way?
Ugh. That’s a recipe for total burnout.
On a whim, I enter Chicago into the location section, and press enter.
Dozens of jobs appear, for a number of different firms. I even find one that looks perfect—it’s a fast-track to partner in three years. Plus, Chicago has always sounded exciting to me. Actually, I’ve always wanted to see the world beyond Maine. Hmm…
But then I remember that Brooks never told me he wanted me to go with him. The thought probably hasn’t even crossed his mind. That would make this more than a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Moving across the country together? That would make things serious.
And we’ve only been truly dating a few days. That’s the textbook definition of moving too fast.
Besides, I know someone else who did that. She fell hard and fast in love and moved forward at lightning speed, giving up her own dreams in pursuit of a dream with her husband that never came true. She was left, alone and scared and pregnant, at the age of twenty-one, with no one, until an angel named Ruth helped her become who she was truly meant to be.
So, no. I X out of the search and decide to stick close to home.
My phone starts to ring, then, and my heart does a little dance when I see Brooks’s name appear on my screen. What are the chances he’s calling to invite me to Chicago with him? “Hey,” I say, pressing the phone to my ear.
“Hey, you. I want to see you.”
I smile at his directness. “I want to see you, too. We are people of leisure, though, so we should be able to fit it into our schedules. Unless you already bought your plane ticket to the Windy City?”
“I have not.”
“Well, why not? You should. It’s better than the garbage I’ve been looking at. There’s nothing available in this whole state. How much does it pay again?”
He’s never told me. I got the feeling he was keeping it from me, so I don’t expect him to answer. But he does. “Two-fifty.”
“Oh my god. For senior associate?”
He hesitates. “Partner, actually.”
“Oh my god. Brooks!”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No… but I know a good opportunity when I see it.”
“I can find a job in Boston. It’s closer.”
“Not a partnership. You’d have to start as a junior, making at most, one-hundred. And commuting two hours each way? It’s not worth it, Brooks.” I know what’s holding him back, even if he won’t say it. “Did you even talk to her about? I bet you she would tell you to go. The last thing she wants to be is a burden to you.”
He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Something tells me he already knows this, but it’s not helping. Their relationship is tenuous, and just like Ellie said, he doesn’t trust her.
