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“Come with me,” I say as I come down.
She gives me a confused look. “I did.”
“No… I mean, to Chicago.”
Her eyes go wide. I’ve surprised her. “You want that?”
I nod. “Why not?”
“Well, we’ve only been dating a few weeks. I don’t know, I— did your sister agree to come with you?”
At that moment, reality crashes in. I was living in a bubble. Me, here with her, where nothing else mattered. But there are things that matter, and I need to think about them, first. So I don’t answer.
She sucks in a breath and lets it out. “I told you, you shouldn’t pass up that job. I can be here to look after Ellie and Jace.”
There’s something she’s not telling me. “Forget about them for a second. If I didn’t have them to worry about, you still wouldn’t come with me.”
She looks down at the space of white sheet between us. “No. I wouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t have a job there.”
I scoff. “Did you forget? You don’t have a job here, either.”
“But I’d have nothing there, Brooks,” she says, her fingers working over a seam in the sheet. “You know my mother was a single mom. She had it really tough. And part of the reason she did is because she put all of her trust in a man who let her down. She gave up her hopes of a career, education, everything, because she believed that man would take care of her for the rest of her life. I’m not my mother. I’m sorry, but I’m not moving to a place where I have nothing, just so you can have everything.”
Shit. I wish I could say her argument makes no sense, but we both know that it does. Things do fall apart. We have seen it, first-hand. We have to be cautious. “What if you got a job there?”
She shakes her head, a small smile appearing on her face. “I don’t think so. I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve always wanted to travel, but I don’t want to leave Maine. I don’t have much, but what I do have—my mom, my place, Sapphire Shores—I want to keep close. I don’t want to give them up. If I’m going to make a difference in the world, I want to do it in a place that loves me back. Here.”
I frown. “Okay, then that’s it. I’m not going, either.”
Tenley sits up straight, the sheet falling to her laps. “Are you listening to me? You’re not doing that! You have your dream job, the thing you’ve been working your whole career for, waiting for you in Chicago. You need to go.”
“No, I don’t,” I say, raising my voice. Why does she keep hammering me with that? It really does feel like she’s casting me off. “There’s got to be another solution. What if we start our own practice? We could bring in our clients from Foster & Foster and—”
“You need money for that, Brooks. I have nothing. That’s why I wanted the promotion to begin with—so I could have that money and freedom. But right now, my hands are tied. I need a job, paying me, first, before I can even think about striking out on my own.”
More reality trickles in. She’s right. All these pie-in-the-sky ideas… and none of them can happen. They’re all too risky. Someone’s going to get hurt, no matter what we do.
“You want to end this.” It’s not a question.
I throw the sheet off and stand up as she reaches for my hand, but I snatch it away.
“No, Brooks. I don’t. We can try long-distance. It’s not ideal. But people make it work.”
“In the short-term, maybe,” I say, fishing for my clothes. “But it’s not a real solution. You know that. It’ll only delay the inevitable.”
She stares at me sadly. She knows I’m right. I get dressed in silence, and when I leave, she doesn’t try to stop me.
It’s over.
39
You want to end this.
Sitting at my computer, sipping tea, I’m trying to get some needed work done. But all I keep thinking about is Brooks.
No, the last thing I wanted to do was end things.
But he’s right. There’s no way it would work between us.
The though sends a spear of pain, right through my heart.
Again, I’m looking for jobs. I keep expanding the radius of my search, but so far, I’ve only managed to find a handful of options. I’ve applied to all of them, and have registered with a headhunter in Portland, but so far, I haven’t gotten a single bite.
As I’m scrolling, I notice a job for a senior attorney in Portsmouth. That sounds promising. Scrolling through the job expectations, I decide it’s a match. I personalize a cover letter, put it together with my email, and send it off.
Portsmouth would be good.
Even if it’s without Brooks.
