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My heart was still tripping and stumbling over him. What if he maybe wanted kids? What if it was something we could do together? Those were treacherous questions to contemplate.
A few minutes later, I stood at the counter in the café, and Phyllis smiled over at me. It was midafternoon, a quieter time of day here. “What will it be?”
“I’ll just take your bold brew.”
She got a cup ready for me and handed it over. “Anything to eat?”
I hadn’t even eaten lunch. As if my stomach wanted to answer her, it growled audibly.
Phyllis waggled her brows. “We’ve got our soup of the day. Today is a salmon bisque. It’s delicious.”
“I’ll take a bowl of that with some of your bread.”
“I’m hungry too. Why don’t I join you?” she asked.
A few minutes later, we sat together at a small table by the windows. She had called out Heather, their newest employee, a girl from high school covering the afternoons, to handle customers. Heather was drawing a Christmas tree in the corner of the chalkboard behind the register counter.
“Now, let’s get right down to it,” Phyllis said after we had both taken a few spoonfuls of soup.
“Get down to what?”
Her brows hitched up. “Something is on your mind. You are probably the least distracted person I know, and you look really distracted. I might even go so far as to say you look worried.”
“Phyllis, I’m fine,” I insisted.
She tsk-tsked me. “I’ve known you since you were a baby. Now just tell me the truth.”
I took a deep breath, realizing Phyllis would be safe to confide in. She could be gossipy but only traded in superficial details that wouldn’t hurt anyone.
“You are sworn to secrecy before I say a word,” I said, pointing my finger at her.
Phyllis made the sign of the cross over her chest. “Cross my heart.”
“Okay…” I quickly spilled the whole story, ending with, “I just figured I have the shittiest luck with relationships, and I don’t want to wait forever. I also don’t want to end up in one of those relationships where I’m doing all the work anyway. Then this whole thing started with Kenan, and I’m pretty sure it’s a mistake. He’s always said he didn’t want kids, and he never even wanted to get serious. It’s not like I don’t understand where he’s coming from.” I let out a sigh.
Phyllis interjected, “Things weren’t great for them as kids. Their mother is wonderful, but their father died young, and I think she was overwhelmed. Her plate was full, and she didn’t know what was going on. To this day, I know she wishes their father was still here. So many things would’ve been different if he hadn’t passed away.”
I nodded. “I know. I think—” My words cut off abruptly.
Because I didn’t really know what to think. I knew Kenan was hurt, but he had told me time and time again he didn’t want a family.
“I think there’s what Kenan thinks in his head.” She tapped her temple. “And then his emotions. I’ve seen him with his nephew. He’s incredible with him.” She was referring to the unexpected nephew they’d gained when an ex of Jake’s showed up with his son. When paternity testing confirmed his parenthood, Kenan had been great with him, easygoing and supportive, easing his entrance into their family.
I thought about Kenan’s messy family. There was a lot of love among the siblings, and their bond with their mother had strengthened since the whole sordid story about all that had happened with their grandfather came out. Kenan had told me he barely remembered his father. He had been so young when he passed that memories were faint.
I knew he carried guilt, feeling like Jake and Rhys bore the brunt of the abusive behavior of their grandfather. I understood why Kenan said he would be the best uncle ever, but that was enough for him.
These thoughts tumbled through my mind while I sipped my coffee. Phyllis studied me quietly.
Eventually, she said, “I think Kenan’s afraid. I think he’s always been afraid of falling in love. That’s why he and Blake share that tendency to keep things light. But I also think he’s afraid of really seeing all that he could be. For better or worse, when you’re in a big group of siblings like his, getting lost in the shuffle can be easy. I don’t think he’s lost, but he’s not sure what his role is. After Jake died, Rhys stepped up to be the eldest brother and took care of everything. Blake runs the production and distribution. Adam, as close as he and Kenan are, is considered the brainiest. I don’t know that that’s true, just that he’s really good at math. Kenan is just as smart as Adam is but in a different way. He’s the creative one who thinks on the fly and solves problems. I’m not saying I know what you want, but I think you should give Kenan a chance. You know as well as I do that, given the chance, he would make a very good father and a good partner to anyone. That man is as loyal as they come. You have to believe he can rise to the challenge. I want to convince you that he will, but you have to believe in yourself. You also have to know what’s in your own heart. I had a good marriage, but it wasn’t perfect. Anyone who tells you their marriage was perfect is lying through their teeth, by the way.”
I snorted at that. “I appreciate your honesty, Phyllis.”
Just then, Hazel came in from the back, calling over, “I heard that!” She approached our table, nodding vigorously. “There’s a reason we’re best friends and have been since college. She knows I miss my George,” she said, referring to her late husband, “but Lord knows it wasn’t perfect. If he rose from the dead, I’m certain we would argue about something. No matter how much I missed him, that man could drive me nuts. Are you telling Quinn she should give Kenan a chance?”
Heat flashed into my cheeks. I was about to ask her what she knew when Hazel added, “I don’t know anything, but I’ve seen you two together for years. We always thought you’d make a good couple.”
“We?!” I squeaked. “Is this something you’ve talked about?”
