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Ouch.
“I don’t kiss, okay? I said that right from the start.” Butch’s stomach was as tight as his chest.
“Sure. You just didn’t say why. So I guess I’m asking. What’s so wrong with kissing?”
Butch couldn’t answer, because saying that kissing was too intimate would feel like he was slapping Teague in the face.
And sex isn’t intimate?
Teague stubbed his cigarette out on the wooden porch.
“Why won’t you just admit you’re into guys? What’s the big deal?”
“I like women.” Butch stuck his chin out.
Teague gave a nod. “Okay… when was the last time you had sex with a woman?”
Butch’s throat seized.
“Was it so long ago that you have to think about it?” Teague demanded.
He stared out at the dark landscape before them. “You sleep with a woman, she’ll want to get married. Guys don’t pull shit like that.”
“Not every woman wants to get married, Butch.”
Christ, it was as though he was channeling Race.
“Yeah, but I don’t wanna be with someone who sleeps around.”
Fuck, Butch was caught up in a time loop, reliving that last conversation before Race left.
Teague gaped at him. “Talk about double standards. Okay. Then answer me this. When did you first have sex with a guy? And be honest.” He set his jaw. “You owe me that much.”
Butch didn’t have to think. It was ingrained, burned into his memory.
“1992.”
The silence that followed said much. Then Teague found his voice.
“Thirty years ago? Wow. That’s the worst case of denial I’ve ever seen. Do you always find a way to justify your actions?”
“What are you talking about?” Not someone else who brought up the D word.
“Can you hear yourself? Have you ever heard the phrase cognitive dissonance? I read about it once in a magazine. Look it up sometime.”
“Why don’t you save me the trouble and tell me what it means now?”
“Basically it’s a mental conflict that occurs when your beliefs don’t line up with your actions.”
“And what beliefs and actions are you referring to?”
Teague rolled his eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. How about you believing you’re straight, when you’ve been fucking guys forthirty years? My guess is you’re going through a helluva lot of mental discomfort right now. And do you want to know why that is?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” Butch squeezed the words out.
“It’s something we experience only when we know there’s an inconsistency. And while you might be tempted to avoid dealing with that discomfort, I wouldn’t. That hole you’ve been digging is only going to get deeper if you don’t face up to what you know is the truth.”
“Which truth is that?”
