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I know I can’t go back to Jerry’s house. Not now and probably not ever. Maybe disappearing will be the best thing for me. And for Evelyn. My gut twists which tells me forgetting about her or moving on from her is going to be impossible.
“Tell me more,” I demand of the men and Bronco’s smile grows before he sits back down and motions for another round.
I don’t know what the future holds. I’m sure it’ll be a hell filled with darkness because I let my light go.
It was for her own good, but, damn, it still hurts.
CHAPTER 5
EVELYN
I didn’t think that moving back to Seattle would feel like coming home. I left so quickly and then threw myself into a new life with new experiences in New York. I never thought about looking back until I couldn’t ignore the tugging sensation coming from my soul. I was too far away from Dad and too far away from the girl I once was, even though that was probably a good thing.
I found a deeper sense of self when I was in New York, and I wouldn’t change the time I spent there at all. I’m glad I went and I’m glad I didn’t wait to do it.
I’ve been back in Seattle for a year or so and things here still feel different than they did nine years ago when I left. Maybe it’s because Dad and Marilyn got divorced two years ago. Maybe it’s because the shadows of the life I used to live here, the one that had me hating myself and my body because of how others viewed me, don’t haunt me as much as they used to.
There are still moments when I think back to the bullying I endured, and those voices are loud. It’s not always easy to push away intrusive thoughts, but I’ve forged a truce with them. Kinda.
Maybe everything feels different because it’s been years since Marilyn or Dad saw or spoke with Bennett.
I was more than a little surprised to find out that he came back home the day after graduation, found out I had left for New York, and then left himself. He never lived in the house again. I’m not even sure if he ever went back to grab his stuff. I didn’t ask. I couldn’t.
Back then those hurtful words were still reverberating through my mind and leaving little cracks in their wake. There was always a push and pull between us, but those words were like a sledgehammer.
You know, her dad calls her duckling. I’ve always wondered if it was short for ugly duckling.
Sometimes they still swirl through my head like feathers falling to the ground after exploding from a pillow. They glide and float through the air until they finally land. You’d think their impact would be nominal, but it feels like an explosion to me.
I’ve gotten better about pushing those words and the looks Bennett used to give me to the side. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I had a massive crush on the bad boy that was all wrong for me. Not only was he always all wrong for me, but then he became family. Well, kind of.
Technically he’s not my stepbrother anymore, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t even know where he is. Neither does Jerry. I don’t know if Marilyn knows or not since I haven’t talked to her since the divorce.
I’m so glad I wasn’t in Seattle when it happened, but knowing Dad was all alone again helped me make the decision to move back. I feel bad that his marriage fell apart, again. He loved Marilyn and I’m not sure what happened. I never asked in the attempt to avoid causing him more pain and the need to keep Marilyn and her son out of my life.
I found myself in New York. I found an appreciation for my curves, and I discovered that there are men out there who appreciate them. I dated here and there, but nothing was ever too serious. I’m not sure why I couldn’t commit considering I’ve committed to everything else in my life.
Because none of them were the man you really wanted.
Nope. Not going there, not even a little bit.
The one person I hated leaving behind the most was Lennon. After I went to New York, we worked hard to stay in touch for about a year and then things fizzled out. I suppose it was inevitable with us being on opposite sides of the country and doing our own thing.
I met Dahlia at school, and we became fast friends, and our group was rounded out with a few other acquaintances. I don’t know what it was about Dahlia that made our friendship so easy, but it was. Maybe we understood each other because we both had people in our lives we couldn’t rely on?
Even now, after I’ve been in Seattle almost a year, we talk regularly.
I remember the day she called me not all that long ago, a dreamy quality in her voice as she sighed, “I met someone, and I fell in love.”
I was a little surprised, but also excited for my friend. She’s gorgeous and an amazing person. I was glad someone else saw the same thing I have since I met her.
“You did?” I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice, “What’s he like?”
I expected her to tell me all about a clean-cut guy with a good job who treated her like a queen. That was the kind of guy I figured she would find happiness with. I figured it was safer for her…and me, if I’m being honest.
I had to sit down when she told me, her voice lowered in a hushed whisper, “He’s an enforcer for a certainfamilyhere.” The way she said ‘family’ was weighted and it didn’t register at first, but I gasped when it finally did. “I know, I know,” she rushed out. “But he’s amazing. Protective. Strong. Loyal. He looks at me like I can chase away all the darkness he’s ever had to face in this life.”
“I, I mean, I,” I stumbled over my words before settling on, “I don’t know what to say.”
