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“I never took you as a vest person,” I mumble against his chest.
Bennett chuckles and the sound, unused and rough, rumbles through me. I relax as he runs his hands up and down my back. I think this is the most he’s ever touched me before. I shouldn’t like it, but I do. I should step back and stop taking comfort in the man who hurt me as a boy, but I don’t.
“It’s a cut, little feather, not a vest.”
I nod and then sigh. When I step back from him, he lets me. The satisfaction in his expression as I pack a few things has me rolling my eyes and considering slapping that look off his damn handsome face.
I’ve always wondered what happened to Bennett, but I was too afraid to ask, and it didn’t sound like Marilyn or Dad had any answers. I might regret it, in fact I probably will, but I’m going to use this strange as hell opportunity to find out what happened to him. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than that.
From the way I can feel his eyes on me as I finish up, a feeling which is very familiar, I’m not sure whether I believe my own bullshit or not.
Bennett leads me to my car, and I notice a bike parked right behind it. He climbs on and leads me away from my place and to the clubhouse, allegedly. This is probably a bad idea. It’s probably the worst idea I’ve had since I went down to that little party at my dad’s house.
I shouldn’t have been there and the warning sirens going off in my head are telling me I shouldn’t be at the clubhouse either. Finding out Bennett is in a motorcycle club isn’t shocking, it fits really. Everything about him fits, including the tattoos I noticed peeking out of the sleeves of his t-shirt.
But he seemed so earnest about wanting to keep me safe. Maybe this won’t be the worst idea I’ve ever had. Bennett never physically hurt me; it was just my heart that got shredded. I lived through it before and put myself back together.
I can do it again.
Please, Bennett, don’t make me regret this.
CHAPTER 8
PENANCE
I place my hand against the small of Evelyn’s back as I lead her inside the clubhouse. It feels so damn good to be touching her. If I didn’t know that she was mine and that I wasn’t going to let her go before, I definitely do now.
I know we have a lot to talk about and I still have a lot to make up for when it comes to her, but this feels like a step in the right direction. I’ve been trying to take those steps by myself since she left—ridding my soul of the bad things I said to her and how I made her feel by helping to save others. I don’t know if it worked since I still feel unworthy to be this close to her, but I can’t atone for the things I did without her any longer.
Her forgiveness is like a drug, and I crave it, even before I’ve gotten a taste of it. It’s because of the way she looks at me like she really sees me. She’s always looked at me like that. Before it scared me, and I wasn’t ready for it. Then I missed it and beat myself up about losing it. Now I have a chance, a real chance, even though I might be going about it all wrong.
When we walk into the common room, I look around and try and see it through her eyes. It’s late, but my brothers are still milling around. Some have brought their families here because it’s safer. Others have brought their women. Okay, it’s just Bronco, who has McKenzie sitting on his lap on one of the couches, her head resting on his shoulder. Their giant dog, Brutus, is sitting at their feet while he watches everyone else. That must mean Gizmo, their cat, is probably in Bronco’s room.
The angels are standing off to the side when normally they would be hanging off some of the brothers. I cringe a little inside because I know that is going to be a whole other conversation. I don’t know if my sweet feather will believe me when I tell her I haven’t touched a woman in over nine years, but it’s the fucking truth.
It was all for her too. Knowing her, believing my celibacy, then and now, will probably be harder, but I have the rest of my life to prove it to her. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not giving up. I can’t, not while I have the soft scent of her surrounding me—citrus and jasmine.
She smells the same as she did back then and it’s like coming home.
Even though some of my brothers are smiling, I can tell it’s forced, and the atmosphere is a lot more subdued than it would normally be. The loss hangs heavy around us and when I glance down at Evelyn, I can see the compassion in her eyes. She sees it too.
Right up until her eyes widen as she sees who is behind the bar. Lennon is standing there smiling softly as she serves a beer to Friar, Clutch, and Demon. She goes rigid and the blood drains from Lennon’s face when she looks up and sees us. When Lennon glances at me with the guiltiest expression I’ve ever fucking seen, I almost groan.
Lennon makes her way out from behind the bar and over to us. Evelyn’s grip on the bag hanging from her shoulder tightens and her face is a mask of suspicion and betrayal.
“Evelyn,” Lennon starts, but my woman holds her hand up to stop her.
“This is what you’ve been doing?” I’m a little shocked when Evelyn’s eyes travel down Lennon’s body to take in her outfit; she’s covered more than the other angels, but that’s not saying much. “This is why you were so evasive when I asked what you were doing and only gave vague answers about traveling.” She looks up at me and then back at her friend. “You were spying on me for him,” she doesn’t pose it like a question—to her it’s a statement.
“No, it wasn’t like that,” Lennon insists. “Yes, Penance told me you were back in town after I got back from Tampa a few months ago. Yes, he wanted to know how you were doing, but I wasn’t spying on you for him.”
My woman glares at Lennon, fire brewing in her eyes as her breathing turns shallow. The deathly calm in her voice sends a shiver down my spine, “Get the fuck away from me. I don’t know you. I thought,” she cuts herself off and shakes her head and turns away from Lennon who looks devastated. “I should have known.”
“No,” my voice is firm, “you shouldn’t have known shit. I did tell Lennon you were back in town, but I knew you would want to see her again. We’ve talked about you over the years.” My feather’s eyebrows shoot up. “I knew about how you drifted apart when you moved and that she missed you. I told her how much of an ass I was to you.”
“That’s so sweet,” my woman sneers. “You were able tocommiserate,” the way she says it makes it sound very fucking naughty when it wasn’t like that at all, “over how much you missed me. For years.”
Some of the brothers are looking our way even though Evelyn hasn’t raised her voice at all. I grab the bag off her shoulder and hike it over my own before I spin Evelyn toward me, bend, and plant my shoulder against her abdomen. When I stand, she’s dangling over my shoulder. The surprised shout she lets out has my brothers chuckling, but I can tell by how rigid my woman is holding herself that she isn’t finding this amusing at all.
