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I sighed. “Mama, please. I’ve asked you so many times to call me Kara.”
She pursed her lips together. “That’s not the name I gave you.”
“It’s part of it.”
But clearly the matter wasn’t to be discussed any further. Sounds came from outside the main door, and Mama shot me a look that clearly said, ‘Hurry it up or there’ll be words about it.’
I put on the soft pink dress that gathered around my breasts and then flowed over my hips and behind. Smoothing my palms over the material, I actually felt pretty. Something that hadn’t happened much since I’d returned and been forced to give up the majority of the clothes Rebel had sent me home with.
“Your father and sisters are here. It’s time to go.”
I nodded. “Thank you for the dress.” I tried yet again to bridge the gap between us. We’d been close once, but any semblance of that relationship had been destroyed by my leaving.
Another regret I couldn’t shake. Though my mama was sometimes sharp and to the point, I loved her. I hated that I’d disappointed her, even though I would have never swapped Hayley Jade for the world.
I just wished Mama could love her like I did and see past the fact I’d had a child out of wedlock.
I followed her down the stairs, meeting my father at the bottom.
He cast an eye over my outfit and makeup and then nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
Mama said nothing.
Neither did any of my siblings as we walked across the field and past the gardens.
I tried to make conversation with my family anyway. I hadn’t seen any of them for a few days. “How are your studies going, Samantha?”
“Fine, thank you.”
She didn’t elaborate, so I pushed further. “If you need any help with your homework, you can always bring it down to me—”
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to fight off the hurt at being cut out. After even my youngest sister gave me nothing but yes-or-no answers, I gave up trying to reconnect with them. It clearly wasn’t going to happen today.
But it would eventually. I would keep trying until I was blue in the face. I missed them. I was sure that deep down, no matter what people within the community had said about me, they missed me, too.
More people arrived the closer we got to the chapel, but after the cold reception from my own family, I didn’t dare try to speak with any of them. I cast my eyes down like a good, obedient daughter, and kept my mouth shut.
The chapel bells rang again as we entered.
My father nodded at my mother, his mouth tight. “I’ll see you inside.”
She nodded back and passed Hayley Jade to Samantha, who followed after my father.
I went to do the same, but Mama stopped me, grabbing me by the shoulders. “Not you, Louisa Kara.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You need to wait here.”
Irritation prickled inside me, even though I knew I’d brought this sort of treatment on myself by doing the things I’d done. I’d been happy to sit at the back of the church instead of toward the front with my family. But today had been different. They’d sought me out. Not the other way around. “Mama, you came to me. You told me I was invited.”
Her gaze darted to the rest of the commune filing inside and taking seats. “You are.”
“Then let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.” I shook off her hold on me and stepped aside, getting my first glimpse at the chapel I’d spent so many of my days inside, praying I could be as good as my parents asked me to be.
The interior was filled with white decorations. There were flowers and ribbons everywhere, large bouquets on the altar, and streamers flapped at the ends of pews in the cool breeze we were letting in by standing in the doorway.
