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But right there, I broke down. I let out a little sob and straightened myself upright.
“Jamie?”
“I … I miss you, dad,” I said, choked with tears. Much as I was upset with him, I couldn’t stay angry at him. I missed him too much. I missed the old days too much when things between us weren’t so damned complicated.
“Where are you, sweetie?”
“We’re on Cape Cod.”
“Well, how about that? Can I come and see you? Just for the day.”
I nodded, fighting back tears. “That would—that would be nice,” I said.
The next day my dad came down, and I greeted him on the front porch of the guesthouse while Cassie and Kyle were having their breakfast. Janine had gone out for some groceries. So, we sat on the porch, and I made him some coffee while we both stared in silence at the enormous, beautiful blue waves rolling in from the Atlantic Ocean.
“It’s good to see you,” said my dad.
“You too,” I replied emotionlessly. I was so worn out and weary from everything that had happened in the Spring that I no longer knew what to say.
“I guess in a way, this is where it all started,” my dad said, and I froze.
“It started a long time before then,” I said.
My dad nodded. “You know, your mother loved it here. She used to come every summer before she met me.” My dad gave a slow, sad chuckle. “I used to always try to persuade her to go to the Caribbean with me.”
“And?”
“And she won every time!” he said.
I laughed. That was Mom all over. She was always able to get my dad to see things her way. Whether it was with a soft word or a stern command.
“I miss her,” I said.
“Me too, sweetie. Every day. Not a day goes by I don’t think about—”
My dad’s voice trailed off. I looked over and saw his eyes were wet.
“—Think about how things might have been different.”
I nodded, and then before I knew it, I was crying too. And we squeezed one another’s hands while the happy children playing in front of us took no mind.
“I guess I’m thinking about that myself,” I said.
“Have you heard anything from Eric?”
I pursed my lips for a minute, then gave a quick nod. Just a small nod. I didn’t want to explain to my dad, not after Eric had hurt him. It must have been hard to lose his best friend over his daughter and then have his daughter reject him.
“I think,” said my dad, “I was too hard on him.”
I thought back to that terrible day. The elevator, the party which I never got to. “You think?” I said sarcastically. Trying to hide just how choked up I was about losing Eric. A man I rarely liked but deep down, had always cared about. Much more than I cared to admit. Now I will never see him again.
“Yeah,” said my dad, smiling through his misty eyes. “I do. I think at the end of the day he was just doing what he thought was best for you. What he thought was best for Cass.”
“It’s not enough,” I said. “It never would have been.”
My dad gave me a strange look. “What would have been enough?” he said.
“For him to really …” I sighed. It felt so weird talking about this to my dad. He was Eric’s best friend. “To really want me. To want me for who I am. For what I could give to him. Not just for what he could give to me.”
