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Mixed feelings surge through me. "You want me to spy on my best friend?"
"Kinda sorta." She starts biting her nails. My instinct tells me to hold her close and comfort her so she's not so agitated. But she's not mine to comfort. "I don't know what's going on between us. I mean, lately I feel more connected to other people..." Her voice trails off.
Connected to me? I want to ask but don't. I have no right to be in love with her, let alone try to lure her into my life.
"I can't promise I'll find out anythin', but I'll talk to him," I tell her.
Man, I wish someone cared about me that much. While jealousy stirs inside me, I try to ignore it. The only problem is that every time I talk to her my feelings for her get stronger.
A big smile, one that could melt any frozen heart, crosses her heart-shaped face. "Thank you, Vic," she says, crossing the room and kissing my cheek. "You're the best."
Right. I'll keep that kiss in my memory bank for a long time.
When she straightens, she puts a hand on the small of her back and winces just the slightest bit.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "Nothing."
Yeah, right. I've watched her enough to know that sometimes she's in pain. She tries to cover it up, but she can't right now. "I don't believe you. Tell me."
"I'm fine."
"I've got two sisters. I know when a girl says they're fine, it's bullshit. Talk to me." I reach out and hold her wrist so she doesn't walk away. "Talk to me."
Monika doesn't talk about herself much. It's like she thrives on focusing on other people and not herself.
Our eyes meet and my heart kicks up a notch.
I can't look away. It's like she's got a hold on me. I don't know if she feels the connection, but I sure as hell do. And I can't look away because I don't want to break it.
Her intense gaze and those emerald eyes are mesmerizing. "I can't," she says softly.
"Tell me, Monika. Why do you wince in pain all the time?"
Pause.
She swallows and frowns, making her seem vulnerable and defeated.
I don't let her go. I can feel it deep in my bones that something is wrong.
"I have arthritis, okay," she finally says, her eyes still fixed on mine. "It's kind of flaring up right now, and falling off the fence at the football field and going on the roller coaster hasn't helped. I don't want to talk about it. Just forget I said it."
Arthritis?
Just hearing her reveal the diagnosis makes me want to take her in my arms and protect her from the pain she's obviously feeling right now.
"Does Trey know?"
She holds her head up high. "No. And I don't want you to tell him. Promise me you won't tell him," she pleads in an unsteady voice.
"Why?"
"Because I have it under control most of the time, and I don't want people to treat me like I'm some invalid. Especially Trey. Ugh, I can't believe I told you." She looks at my hand holding her wrist with those bright green eyes. "If you treat me differently, I swear I'll never talk to you again."
"You went on a roller coaster," I say. "That probably wasn't a good idea."
"I know. I'm stupid." She shakes her head and puts her hand over mine. It's an intimate gesture that makes my heart pound even faster. "Listen, Vic, I don't want to take it easy, so I push my body to the limit. It's a mind-over-matter thing. I've got to beat this. I'm gonna beat this."
"Beat what?" comes a familiar voice from the hallway.
I turn around to see my ex standing in my doorway with a cocked brow as she catches me sitting on my bed holding onto Monika Fox's wrist. Her hand is still over mine.
Oh, hell.
I snatch my hand back.
"Hi, Vic," Cassidy says with a little tilt of her head. She used to tilt her head when she was trying to confront me with something I did wrong. To her, I was always doing something wrong.
Monika takes two steps away from me, obviously noting how guilty we must look. "Hey, Cassidy."
"Hey," I say, trying to come off as if nothing is wrong. "What are you doin' here?"
"Dani called me and asked if I'd take her to the mall for a homecoming dress." Her eyes narrow the slightest bit. "I thought I'd come up and say hi before I drive her. I obviously didn't know you had company."
"I was just leaving," Monika says, grabbing her purse off the chair by my window. "I'll talk to you later," she tells me before saying bye to Cassidy and slipping out of the room.
Cassidy's gaze follows Monika until she's out of sight. "What was that all about? Are you fucking your best friend's girlfriend?"
"Don't be ridiculous."
"I saw you two holding hands."
Rolling my eyes, I stand. "We weren't holdin' hands, Cass. I grabbed her arm as an experiment we were workin' on for sociology," I lie, knowing that if she knew the truth I'd have a lot of explaining to do.
I'm in trouble here, because Cassidy doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut. If she thinks I've been screwing around with Monika, everyone in school will know it.
Hell, she'll probably post it on the Internet.
Cassidy, who used to falsely accuse me of cheating on her and nagged me constantly that I wasn't being a good enough boyfriend, takes a deep breath and says, "Okay, here goes. I still think about you every day, Vic."
"Cass--" I start to say, but she holds up a hand, cutting me off.
"I'm still in love with you." She puts her head down. I can tell she's about to get emotional.
"What? I know you talk shit about me," I tell her. "You think I don't know what you say behind my back? Fremont's a small town."
"I trash you because I miss you," she says, as if that's a completely sane explanation. She looks up at me now, and I can see the tears welling in her eyes. "I miss us. If you dated anyone else it would devastate me. You don't even look at me anymore. When I walked in here and saw you and Monika together, I got so jealous I seriously felt sick."
"There's no reason to be jealous."
"Can we try one more time, Vic?" she says, walking over to me like she's a predator. When she's close, she runs her hands slowly on my chest and moves lower. "I swear I can be the girlfriend you want me to be."
I take her hand off me. "I can't be the boyfriend you want me to be, Cassidy."
"Why? Is there someone else?"
"No," I lie, still feeling a connection to the girl who just left my room. "I'll never live up to your standards."
"I promise I've changed. I don't even have a date to homecoming because everyone knows I want to go with you."
"So basically you're blamin' me for not having a homecoming date?"
"Exactly." She sighs.
Damn.
I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but I don't want her to be without a homecoming date. "If you really want to go to homecoming, I'll take you."
Her face perks up. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. But this doesn't mean we're datin'. It just means we're goin' to homecoming together."
"Okay." She wraps her arms around my shoulders. "You've made me the happiest girl, Vic! Now I can shop for dresses with your sister!"
At least someone is happy around here.
Chapter Sixteen
MONIKA
On Wednesday after school, Ashtyn, Bree, and I make plans to go shopping for homecoming dresses.
Bree makes a beeline for the back of the store where the dr
esses are. "I want a black leather one," she blurts out loudly.
"You gonna buy whips and chains, too?" Ashtyn teases her.
Bree nods, seemingly impressed at Ashtyn's suggestion. "Sounds good to me. Jet needs a little whipping into shape. Speaking of whipping boys into shape, I heard Trey took you on a roller coaster to ask you to homecoming."
"That was a complete disaster." I concentrate on the dresses, picking out a red off-the-shoulder one. "What about this for you?" I ask Ashtyn.
"Too red."
I pick a black one filled with sequins.
"Too flashy," she says.
Bree picks out a really short dress and holds it in front of Ashtyn. "What about this one?"
Ashtyn puts a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. "Where's the rest of it?" She sets the dress back on the rack. "To be honest, I'm sure I have something in my closet to wear. Why buy a new dress I'm only going to wear once?"
"Listen, honey," Bree says as she picks out another dress and shoves it into Ashtyn's hands. "You can't go in your football jersey or anything else you have in your closet, because both me and Monika here have seen what you have in that dungeon and it's pathetic. You might as well face the fact that we're going to make you dress like a girl for homecoming."
Ash looks to me for support.
"Sorry. I agree with Bree." I hold out two dresses I think would look cute on her. "Try them on."
In the end, the three of us go in the dressing room and laugh. We try on dresses that nobody our age would wear except the most conservative girls at school. Then we try on dresses that show more skin than is probably legal and would get us kicked out of the dance. Lastly, we pick out our favorites and vote on the best ones.
It's nice hanging out with friends. Bree and Ashtyn have been there for me when I'm happy, sad, freaked out, weird, and off-the-wall. We've all gone through crazy times with each other. I share everything with them.
Well, almost.
They don't know about my struggle with arthritis.
Only my parents know, and now Vic. I felt close to him at his house, closer than I've felt with anyone in a long time. A flush came over me when I looked into his intense gaze until Cassidy came in and broke the connection, which was probably a good thing. My stomach had butterflies when I felt the strength of his hand touch my arm. I've never felt like that before with him.
He's always been Trey's best friend. One of the guys.
