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Nobody is saying anything. I lean against Ashtyn, needing her support right now. In the back of my mind I fear the worst, but I'm not letting myself believe it's true. It can't be true. Trey Matthews is strong.
"Coach Dieter hasn't left his side," one of the assistant coaches says. "He's not alone, Monika."
"I want to see him," I tell one of the nurses who comes out in a stark white outfit and shoes to match.
"I'm sorry, but that's not possible at this time," she says softly. "Unless you're family, I can't let you see him."
Family?
We'd talked about marriage. That was a long time ago, before he started taking all those pills, before things changed between us.
Nobody knows about Trey's little secret. Only me.
I'll never forgive myself if keeping that secret hurt him.
Chapter Twenty-five
VICTOR
I hurt my best friend.
Trey was motionless as he was placed on a gurney and rushed inside the ambulance. The loud siren as they drove away is still echoing in my ears. My entire life I've felt like something bad would happen to me eventually, like I was living on borrowed time. Never once did I imagine I'd be responsible for physically hurting someone I actually care about.
I couldn't handle seeing them take Trey's lifeless body off the field.
The trainer and Dieter had frantically worked on Trey until the paramedics arrived and they took over. I had seen the grim expressions on their faces as they desperately monitored Trey for some hope, some sign of life.
I hadn't seen any.
After the ambulance took him and I heard Monika's broken voice cry out for Trey, I wanted to reach for her. I wanted to hold her and tell her I was sorry.
Instead, I ran.
My feet are moving on their own, my cleats pounding the sidewalk with each step. I don't even know how far I've run until I find myself panting and sweating as I run down to the beach in an attempt to escape the image of Trey lying on the turf after I tackled him. I keep up my fast pace, unwilling to stop or slow down for fear that the reality of what happened on the field back there will catch up with me.
I want to run away from my thoughts, but it's not working.
My legs feel numb when I stop and turn toward Lake Michigan. The waves rush onto the shore and lick my cleats. Unfortunately, the sound of the waves don't drown out the sound of the ambulance siren in my head or the echo of Monika's cries.
I always treated life as if it were a game and I was invincible. Truth is I didn't care if I lived or died. Maybe it was the way my dad looked at me as if I was worthless. But Trey... he's the guy who has everything to live for. He has a dad who supports him, a girlfriend who loves him, and a mind that can rival fucking Einstein. Countless times I wished I could trade my life for his.
What if Trey is paralyzed or worse and it's all my fault? What if I've ruined everything he ever had and I wanted? How can I look him in the eyes and tell him that I didn't mean to run him down? Because that would be a lie. I wanted to tackle him hard, to prove to him and everyone else that I could beat the best. I wanted to prove to Monika that I was stronger, bigger, better.
All I did was prove that I'm an asshole.
Pressing my palms to my eyes in an attempt to erase my thoughts isn't working.
I can't do this.
I run to mi papa's office, smack-dab in the middle of town. The investment firm of Salazar, Meyer, & Kingman is impressive. The building he works in is polished and shiny, with big windows that look out toward the street. It's sleek and imposing, just like my father.
I'm so fucking scared I don't know what to do.
Papa always takes care of business. It's like I'm blind and need him to guide me. He's failed me in so many ways, but this time I don't know where else to turn.
I need him to be there for me. I've never needed him more than this moment.
For the first time that I can remember, I feel my eyes welling up with tears. I swipe them away with the back of my hand.
The receptionist, Brenda, is a skinny girl with blond hair and bright red lipstick. I've been here enough times throughout the years that she immediately knows who I am--the boss's troublemaker son. Hell, I don't even mind the label, because it fits. It also makes the employees avoid me like the plague, which suits me just fine.
Before I even step up to the desk, Brenda is on the phone whispering something into the receiver.
Calm down, Vic. You can do this.
"I need to see my dad," I tell her, stating the obvious as I try to stop my hands and voice from shaking.
She gives me a fake disappointed look. "I'm sorry, Victor. He's in a meeting and doesn't want to be disturbed."
"It's an emergency," I tell her. "Please. Tell him it's an emergency."
She picks up the phone again. "He says it's an emergency," she whispers into the receiver. She covers the mouthpiece with her palm. "He wants to know what kind of emergency. He says to be specific."
"I can't."
She puts the phone back in its cradle. "He says he'll see you at home, after he leav--"
Before she can finish her sentence, I rush past the reception area and the security guard even as I hear their protests behind me.
I enter my father's huge corner office without knocking. Four guys, all in pristine suits, are sitting around a long table.
As soon as mi papa sees me, he frowns. "Excuse me," he tells the other men. "I'll be just a second."
He doesn't introduce me as his son, but I don't care. I follow him out of the room and into the hallway. He's got a stern, pissed-off look on his face.
"I... I... need you," I say, desperation laced in my voice.
He sighs. "What now?"
The words start to flow out of my mouth. "It's Trey. We were doin' drills at practice and somethin' bad happened. Papa, I need help. I don't know what to do."
He regards me with the look of someone annoyed and bothered. "Victor, I'm in a meeting. I'm not surprised you did something bad. I'm tired of bailing you out. Deal with it and stop bothering me at work, something you wouldn't know how to do because you're too busy fucking up. Whatever you did, man up and fix it."
"I can't fix it."
He rolls his eyes. "Then you're useless."
I stare at his back as he retreats to his office and practically slams the door in my face.
Reality is kicking my ass right now and I can't deal with it. I need to escape, to pretend I don't exist.
I run to Enrique's Auto Body. Isa follows me up to her apartment.
"Can I stay here a while?" I ask as I sit on her couch and put my head in my hands.
"Of course. What's going on?" she asks.
"I don't want to talk about it," I tell her. "I can't talk about it."
"Want me to leave you alone?"
I nod.
When she's gone, I gather up the nerve to call Monika. Her phone rings and my pulse starts to race.
"Hello?" she answers, her voice weak.
"It's Vic," I tell her. "How's Trey?"
I hear a bunch of other voices. I can tell by the muffled sounds that the phone is being passed around.
"Vic, tell me where you are," Jet's voice echoes through the line. He sounds like he's been crying. "Everyone is looking for you."
"I'm fine. Tell everyone to stop looking for me. How's Trey?"
"Tell me where you are."
"No. How's Trey?"
There's a long pause.
"He didn't make it," he finally says. "I'm sorry."
I didn't think my mind could get to a darker place, but it just did.
My best friend is dead.
And it's all because of me.
