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"I don't want you to teach me." She points to Alex. "I'd rather have him do it."
All I want to do now is wipe Fuentes's cocky grin off his face.
"Why?" I ask, completely annoyed.
"Because he's nice."
"I'm nice," I tell her.
"No, you're not." She puts a hand on her hip. "You've completely abandoned me. You want to know what I'm thinking?"
"Nope."
"Well, I'll tell you." She comes up and sticks a finger in my chest. "I think that you've disappeared into some dark place so you can push people away and forget about life and reality. Guess what, Vic. I'm hurting too. I'm dealing with Trey's death just as much as you are, so if you're ready to join the real world and talk to me, then fine. But if you want to continue living in darkness and isolation, then get out of my face."
Alex laughs. "Andas bien, Vic? She's got some big ol' huevos. You better watch out."
"Mind your own business, Fuentes. I got this."
He laughs. "For sure, man. I'll be over there workin' on another car. If you run into trouble with your chica, let me know."
I don't tell him she was my best friend's chica, not mine.
When he's out of hearing range, I turn to Monika. Her hair is in her face, and she's got grease all over her fingers from the oil filter. She looks like a princess who fell into a mud pit. "Here," I say, handing her a towel. "Your hands are dirty."
She reluctantly takes the towel.
"Are you gonna listen to me while I show you what to do?" I ask.
She tilts her chin up. "Maybe."
"You've developed an attitude problem, Monika."
"Maybe I found out things that have made me bitter."
"Like what?"
She doesn't say anything. I want to share everything with her, to tell her how horrible I feel about what I did to Trey. But I can't.
I show her how to do the oil change. She follows my directions like a robot. We finish three cars before I stand back and watch her do an oil change on her own, noting that she holds her back to steady herself.
I tell her to take breaks, but she refuses.
We don't talk about the one thing that's probably on both of our minds--what happened on that field when Trey died. I sure as hell don't want to talk about what happened. I'd cut off both my legs if it would bring my best friend back. Hell, I'd give my life in exchange for Trey's.
I try not to get too close to Monika, because the truth is that I still feel a connection to her. It fucking sucks. I'm here to teach her how to be a mechanic and protect her, nothing more.
"I'm outta here," Alex says after a while. He holds up his phone. "The wife keeps texting me, asking when I'm comin' home. Tell Isa that I had to head out, but the Ford is done and the Monte Carlo needed a new belt so I put it on."
Monika waves to him with a bright, friendly smile on her heart-shaped face. "It was nice meeting you, Alex."
He gives her a nod. "Nice meetin' you too. See ya later, Vic." He walks out, leaving us alone in the garage.
So now it's just Monika and I in the shop. Alone.
I clear my throat and walk over to the toolbox. She walks up behind me. I can feel her presence because I'm so aware of her.
"Can I say something without you getting mad?" she asks.
"Shoot."
"Promise you won't be mad?"
"Sure. Whatever."
"Just come back to school, Vic," she says. "If you won't do it for yourself, or for Trey, do it for the football team. We were supposed to make it to state this year. We've lost the past two games. If you were there..." Her voice trails off.
"What?" I say, throwing a towel on the floor. "If I was there, we'd be winning games? Trey was the one who ran the fastest. Trey was the one who made touchdowns. I just fuckin' tackle people, that's all. I'm a stupid robot. Anyone can take my place."
"That's not true. I've watched you. You read the quarterback, Vic. It's like you have an instinct on what the opposing team is going to do." She picks up the towel I just threw down. "And despite what you might think, you're not just a defensive tackle. Everyone looks up to you, because you play with the confidence that you can win every game. They're lost without you... they're losing without you."
"You don't realize that I'm just a dumb, worthless jock."
I start walking away. I need to get out of here, to go back upstairs where I can isolate myself. I told myself I wanted to help her, to make her into the mechanic she wanted to be. To protect her.
But I was lying to myself.
I offered to help her because I want to be close to her. I want to be near her every chance I get, not because of Trey or anyone else.
She's here for a different reason.
She's here to accomplish things that Trey told her she couldn't do, what we all told her she couldn't do. She's here to convince me to go back to Fremont. She's not here because she wants to be close to me.
I'm such an idiot.
"Where are you going?" she calls out.
I need to keep my distance from her. If I don't, I'll be tempted to tell her how I feel. I'll be tempted to pull her into my arms. "I need some air."
"Stop trying to escape." She tries to look me in the eyes. "You're not worthless, Vic. You have feelings. Express them instead of keeping them inside."
"I can't." Because expressing my feelings means betraying Trey. Instead, I tell her, "I have no feelings."
She's staring boldly up at me now. I expect her to convince me that I'm better off expressing myself or going back to school. I expect her to tell me how I need to help the football team. I expect her to get angry that I'm not living up to anyone's expectations, including hers.
But she doesn't.
Instead, she gets on her toes and grabs my hair. "You do have feelings," she mumbles before urging my head down while she brushes her soft lips against mine. "And I'm going to prove it to you."
Dios mio.
I've kissed Monika a thousand times in my thoughts. I never imagined it would be like this... her soft wet lips on mine, her hands tangled in my hair, and her sweet breath mingling with mine.
My body is reacting to this, to her. She's always had a spell on me, but I knew I could never have her because of my loyalty to Trey.
Oh, hell. This is not happening.
But it is.
And I don't want to stop it.
All my worries and thoughts disappear. The only thing I'm focused on is the here and now. It's been so long since I've felt this kind of inner peace, it's a shock to my system.
She moans as her mouth opens and her tongue reaches out for mine. I can feel the hot electricity running through my melting veins when our tongues meet and slide against each other in a slow and sensual dance. She tastes so damn good I could do this for hours--or forever.
This must be what heaven tastes like.
I reach up and cradle her head in my palm, caressing the back of her neck with my thumb as we go at it like we've been starved for kisses our entire lives. It's wet and slippery and sexual as hell. This is what my fantasies are made of. Just kissing
her makes my body react uncontrollably.
"Oh, Vic," she groans, her lips rubbing back and forth against mine. "I've been so lost. I need you."
Shit.
She needs me?
Reality just slapped me in the face.
This is Monika, the girl who's off-limits for so many reasons. I was responsible for my best friend's death, and now I'm kissing his girlfriend. I'm breaking every rule, every code, every boundary that was ever created or thought of. I might want her more than I want to breathe, but that doesn't matter.
It takes superhuman effort to lean away from her and break the connection.
"What are we doin'?" I ask, my voice completely raw with desire. "This is so fucked up. You're Trey's girlfriend, Monika. I killed him, and now I'm kissing his girl." I swipe my lips with the back of my hand. "This is a mistake. It never happened."
She looks up at me with those bright green eyes as she steps back. Those eyes quickly turn from passion to embarrassment.
"Okay," she says, nodding. "It never happened."
Chapter Thirty-eight
MONIKA
I want to tell Vic the truth, that he wasn't responsible for Trey's death.
I want to tell him that Trey and I broke up.
I want to tell him that Trey was doing drugs and cheating on me for a long time.
Trey's body was compromised because of the drugs he was taking. Knowing the reality of what actually happened to Trey is weighing heavily on me.
You're Trey's girlfriend, Vic just said.
But I wasn't his girlfriend.
I don't want to taint Trey's reputation, but holding the truth inside is killing me.
Vic is the only person I want to connect with. If he knew the truth...
But he doesn't.
And I couldn't tell him.
Instead, I kissed him and told him I needed him. I'm such an idiot.
I'm not going to pretend I'm not crushed that Vic wants to forget the kiss ever happened. The way he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, as if I had infected him with some sort of contagious disease, made we wince.
The truth is, I do need him.
When he turns his back to me and leaves the body shop, I want to yell for him to come back. Instead, I stand frozen in place.
I brush my fingers over my lips, still tingling from our kiss. My body feels more alive than I've felt in months, and I have no pain. My adrenaline must be running at an all-time high, because I don't even notice that consistent dull ache in my back and wrists.
