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Leaning forward, I whisper into his ear, "Why? Because you're afraid to admit you like it?"
"I'm not afraid to admit it, baby," he says. "I fuckin' love this. You're killin' me 'cause I'm holding back."
I can feel his heart beat hard and fast as I move against him at first slowly, then increase the pace. It feels good not to think about anything but this.
"Don't hold back anymore." I stop moving my hips as I roam my fingers over his biceps. "Touch me, Vic. Make me forget everything but being here with you."
He stills, as if thinking about it. "I want to do this," he says. "You have no clue how much I want to do this."
I grab him. "So don't hold back. Don't worry, I won't expect anything after tonight. We're just escaping reality, right?" My body is desperately aching for his touch. With one swift movement, I lift my shirt over my head, then take his hands and wrap them around my waist.
I lean in close so our lips are touching, because I love kissing this boy. He's got me in a trance and I don't want to let the feeling go. "Touch me, Victor Salazar."
He swears underneath his breath, then his hands are suddenly around my butt, urging me closer, as he sets the rhythm. Leaning down, I bury my hands in his thick hair and throw my head back.
His mouth is on the hollow of my throat, licking my pulse then kissing it. I can't remember my body ever tingling so much with excitement, especially when his tongue slides against my hot skin and moves lower... and lower.
"Tell me how much you like this." He groans the words against my skin.
When I feel his tongue trace a path outlining the edge of my bra, I start panting for more. "I wish you'd never stop," I tell him, urging him on as he reaches around my back. With one swift motion of his fingers, my bra is unhooked and falls to the floor. His back braces my spine, supporting me so my joints aren't tense.
His tongue travels up to my sensitive earlobe, then down to lick the parts of my body that feel like they're on fire.
Before I know it, my clothes are on the floor along with his, and we're naked.
"Look at me," he says, cupping my cheek in his hand. For an intense moment, I swear I can see his soul through his eyes.
It's suddenly too intense, too real.
I want to close my eyes because I'm feeling more vulnerable than ever. Emotions I didn't know existed threaten to come flying out in the form of tears.
I can't let that happen.
I swallow the wave of emotions running through me and will them to disappear forever. "Let's do this," I say.
His lips meet mine. At first, they're soft and sweet. My tongue reaches out for his, and I can't help but move my hips against his in a matching rhythm. He kisses me with a fierce determination that brings me to a higher level emotionally and physically. I've never felt like this. His tongue is wet and slippery against mine, and the sounds of our moans mingle with the night air.
I'm totally absorbed in the moment. I'm dizzy and lightheaded all at the same time, but it feels good like this. I feel alive. My worries and troubles seem to have disappeared.
"Are you okay?" he asks. "Can your arthritis handle this?"
"I'm good. More than good," I whisper.
I lift my body above him and am about to take this to the next level. I feel the pressure--there's no turning back now.
"Wait," he says in a strained voice. He grabs my waist and stops me. Reaching for his pants on the floor, he pulls out his wallet from the back pocket. Inside is a silver-foiled condom wrapper.
"Sorry I forgot about that," I say, hoping he doesn't notice that my voice is shaky.
"It's cool." He guides me over himself, this time with protection. "You're perfect," he says.
I lower my body over his as those sweet words seep into my soul.
But when I cringe as I try to move again, he pauses. "What's wrong? Am I hurtin' you?"
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothin'. It's your arthritis. You set the pace, baby."
He lets me figure out a rhythm until the pain eases and pleasure builds up right behind it. Vic's mouth is on me, and his hands roam over my skin, making me crazy with passion. His breathing is ragged as he moves slowly with me and caresses my back then moves his hand between us.
Oh, my. I've never... he knows his way around a girl's body, that's for sure. I can tell he's trying to support me with his hands so my joints aren't feeling so much pain.
Soon we're panting and sweating, and our hands are all over each other as we move together in sync for what seems like forever. I don't ever want it to stop.
I feel no pain. Just pleasure.
"I'm waiting for you," he whispers in my ear in a strained, controlled voice. "Don't hold back now, baby. Let go with me."
"I'm scared, Vic."
He laces his fingers through mine. "Don't be scared. We're here together. You're not alone."
His words hit home. I'm not alone. He's here. He'll protect me even when I forget to protect myself. I give up control up and let myself go.
Vic winces and I can feel him tense up. I look into his eyes. My body shudders uncontrollably as I fly to the stars and slowly come back to earth.
Wow.
I never knew it could be like that.
Our heavy breathing fills the air.
"I can't believe we did that," I mumble against his lips as my body starts to calm down. "I'm shaking."
"Me too." He brushes my hair out of my face. "That was intense."
My response is a satisfied sigh.
After lying in his arms for a few minutes, he sits up. "Don't tell anyone, okay?" he says.
"What do you mean?"
"I just don't want people knowin', that's all."
My heart sinks into my chest. "I'm not a kiss-and-tell person, but what if this wasn't a one-night thing?"
He looks at me sideways. "It has to be a one-night thing."
Those words cut right through me. I quickly stand. "You were right all along, Vic. You're a jerk. Asshole is more like it though."
He throws his hands up. "What do you want me to say? It's not like we can be boyfriend and girlfriend."
"Right. I don't want you to say anything," I exclaim with irritation as I pick up my purse.
"Fine. Great." He turns away, as if looking at me will make him regret everything that happened tonight.
"Listen, Vic, I didn't ask you to be my boyfriend or make some commitment to me if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm not worryin' about that, but..." He walks farther away, the distance between us growing with each step he takes. "There's no way we can be together. Trey was my best friend."
I feel like my oxygen is about to be cut off. "What about me being your friend? Trey is gone, Vic. I'm here. I'm your friend."
He turns to me now, his jaw clenched and his body stiff. "I don't make it a habit to fuck my friends. Or their girlfriends or ex-girlfriends."
"Because you have so many morals?" I roll my eyes. "You didn't have to have sex with me, Vic. Sorry I made you feel obligated. My bad."
In an attempt to regain what small amount of dignity I have left, I hold my head high and leave the little apartment and head down to the body shop. Vic struggles to put on his jeans as I hurry through the garage, heading for the front door. As I'm about to reach for the handle, someone suddenly opens the door, startling me.
It's Isa.
"What the fu--" she says, then immediately turns on the light and sees me and Vic standing in the shop. Vic is shirtless and his pants are still unbuttoned. I'm sure I look like a hot mess. "You scared the shit out of me, guys."
"Sorry. I stopped by because I wanted to talk to Vic... and, umm...," I say, sputtering out the words.
"I'll bet," she responds, then looks from him to me. "You guys okay? You both look like you're pissed at the world, or each other. Or both. You can stay here and work things out."
"I'm leaving because Vic doesn't want me here," I explain.
"That's not true," he chimes in, his voice as tens
e as his stubborn jaw.
I whip myself around. "Yes, it is. Don't lie."
"So everything's not really fine," Isabel says. "Why don't we all sit down and talk about it, shall we?"
"There's nothin' to talk about," Vic says as if he's a martyr who's sacrificing everything to aid me in my hour of need. "I already told her I'm sorry about everythin' that happened tonight."
Isabel's hand flies to her mouth and her eyes go all wide. "Whoa. What does 'everything' mean?" she asks in a muffled voice with her hand still over her mouth.
Vic doesn't acknowledge Isabel's question. Instead, he says, "I mean, you wanted me to hold you and help you escape. You said it would be this one night. You wanted this--"
Isabel walks over to Vic and waves her hand in front of his face. "Yo, Vic. Maybe you should stop talkin'."
"No, keep going," I say sarcastically, wanting nothing more than to slap his bitterness away. "You're on a roll. Why stop?"
He shakes his head. "I'm done."
"You sure?" I ask.
He nods. "I'm sure."
The last thing I want is for Vic to pity me or make me feel like I manipulated him into fooling around. But did I manipulate him into it? A wave of panic washes over me, because I didn't tell Vic the truth. I don't tell him that lately when I want the stress to go away I'm tempted to call him. I don't tell him that when I'm with him, everything else just seems unimportant. I don't tell him that a portion of me was relieved when I found out about Zara Hughes.
I poke his chest with my finger. "I'm not a charity case, Vic. I can do anything and everything on my own from now on."
"Obviously," he says as he looks down at my finger. "Hell, this was a one-night stand. You said it yourself."
"You keep telling yourself that," I say, then storm out of there.
Chapter Forty-seven
VICTOR
After Monika leaves the shop, Isa gives me one of her I'm-annoyed-with-you looks.
"What?"
She points to the sound of Monika's car. "Go after her."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
There are so many reasons why I can't follow her or lure her back here. "She wanted a one-night stand, Isa. An escape from reality. I was the dude she chose, but it's over. End of story."
Isa rolls her eyes, her Latina attitude coming out in all her gestures and body movements. "You're an idiot, Victor Salazar. A complete and utter idiot. You could actually write a book on it. The Idiot's Guide to being an Idiot."
