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Her expression takes on a hard edge, anger and resentment spilling out as the memories resurface.
“Everything that happened to us was always my fault. He couldn’t find a job and didn’t want me working because it would have given me money and a sense of independence. Of course, he didn’t say that. He just promised he would take care of me, and I found that chivalrous. Somehow, he would always find a way to make me forgive him and love him again. When he was nice to me, it was an act of mercy. Like not dragging me down the hall by my hair and slapping me off my feet was something heroic.” She scoffs. “He wanted me to thank him for that.”
My nostrils flare, and my face grows hot as her words settle over me. I can’t keep my mind from imagining it. No matter how hard I try, I see it—Eden, alone and scared and hurting from the one person who should love and protect her.
I catch the moonlight glinting off the tears in Jade’s eyes as one slips over the edge, running down her cheek. She doesn’t wipe it away. She doesn’t even move.
“I was always so good at staying on my birth control because he was on top of me about it. He never wanted me to get pregnant. He claimed it was because we didn’t have the money to support another person, but I think it was because he was afraid I’d have someone to love. That I’d love that baby more than him.
“And I didn’t mean to, but I ran out of the pink pills, so I just took the white ones I had stashed up from skipping them every month. I don’t know why I did it. It was stupid of me because I didn’t want to get pregnant. And then it had gone on so long that I couldn’t bear to tell him. I could have easily gone up to the clinic and gotten more for free, but I didn’t.
“By the time I did…it was too late. I was already pregnant.”
“Eden,” Jade whispers as she rests her head on Eden’s shoulder, and I feel her hands beneath mine squeeze her closer.
I can’t possibly imagine what that would have been like for her. To be in a situation you can’t escape from. So stuck with a monster like that and now worried for another life more than your own.
I’m glad he’s dead. If he weren’t, I’d gladly kill him.
“I had enough money stashed away to afford about three weeks in a very shitty motel, but it was all I had. I knew that if he found out, he would make me abort the pregnancy, regardless of whatIwanted.”
Her eyes moisten with tears, and her voice shakes when she speaks again. “Jack saved my life. I never cared about myself enough to leave, but I cared about him.”
“That’s not true,” I say, pulling her chin to face me. “You saved yourself, Eden. And you saved him. Don’t discredit yourself.Youdid that.”
Her sad face forms a small smile for me as she nods, tears falling down her cheeks. I reach my thumb out to wipe them away.
“Maybe it was because you didn’t feel so alone anymore,” Jade adds, holding her from the opposite side. “It doesn’t matter why. All that matters is that you did it.”
Eden sniffles and uses the blanket draped over her arms to wipe her face. “Well, after that, I met Ronan, and he gave me a place to stay until after Jack was born. I kept Jack a secret to protect him. I filed for a restraining order, and then I just…disappeared. A couple of years ago, I did some digging and found out he got himself killed in a drunk driving accident.”
“Wait…is Eden St. Claire your real name?” Jade asks, lifting her head from Eden’s shoulder.
Eden smiles. “It is now. This is who I am. I’m not that woman anymore. Who I was matters. I believe that, but I like to think she died so we could live. I may not have been born Eden St. Claire, but I wasrebornEden St. Claire.”
My mind is reeling.
As much as I’m dying to know everything about her, including her birth name, a strange sense of relief washes over me, knowing that she’s keeping that piece of information to herself. It’s hers to keep. Almost like she’s keeping her past self safe…as she deserves to be.
“Well, we love you, Eden. Regardless of what your name is or what happened to you,” Jade says, reaching for her hand. Eden clasps it and holds it tight as her smile grows.
“Thank you for telling us,” I whisper, pressing my lips to the side of her head.
“It’s been just me and Jack for so long. I was too afraid to bring anyone around him. I just wanted to keep him safe.”
“And you’ve done a great job, Eden. You don’t need to justify that,” Jade says.
“She’s right,” I reply. “You’ve been carrying this alone for so long, and we know you can. But we also know how heavy it must have been.” I turn her face to mine and kiss her softly on her forehead. “But you can take a break now. We’ve got you.”
On the next exhale, she melts into my arms, and I clutch her tighter. Jade is still squeezing her arms around her when she looks up into my eyes and smiles. It’s a soft, sad smile. But I think she’s feeling the same thing I am.
I’m grateful it happened this way. I’m glad things between me and Eden didn’t work out the first time, only for us to find our way back together with Jade. Everything feels right now. We are more complete than we were before.
And I no longer have to carry the guilt for how things went down.
“We should do something fun tomorrow. I think we deserve fun after this,” Jade says, wiping her eyes.
With a sad smile, I nod. “I agree.”
