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“Let’s take Jack to an amusement park,” Jade says excitedly.
Eden lifts her head and looks at her. “An amusement park?”
“Yeah, he likes rides, right?”
Eden shrugs. “We’ve never been.”
Jade’s jaw drops. “Then wehaveto take him!”
“Is that okay…with you?” I ask.
Eden sits up and turns toward me. She looks tired but not worn down and exhausted. She looks refreshed. Like she’s been through a lot, and she’s come out the other side.
Then she looks into my eyes, and I see the fierce, confident person I met over a year ago. And my heart beats a little harder for her.
“Yes. I would really like that.”
Rule #37: Enjoy the view.
Eden
Jack shrieks with laughter, and it can probably be heard on the other side of the park. He and Clay are on a ride that spins far too much for my or Jade’s liking. So she and I are sitting on the bench near the ride’s exit, enjoying the sound of my son having so much fun.
He was ecstatic this morning when I woke up with the news that not only are we skipping school and going to Thunder Kingdom, but we’re also going with Clay and Jade.
The smile on his face was worth everything. He practically hopped all the way in from the parking lot and hasn’t stopped smiling since we arrived.
He’ll remember this.
It’s a thought that both excites me and terrifies me. If things don’t work out with Clay and Jade—whatever that means—Jack will still have these memories for the rest of his life of when I gave him a family for a split second.
Jade reaches over and places her hand on mine, where they’re folded in my lap.
“You okay?” she asks.
My spine straightens, and I glance at where the boys are still spinning on the ride.
I swallow. “Yes, I’m okay.”
“I can imagine it’s a lot,” she replies. “Bringing new people around your kid. Lots of fear and anxiety and…jealousy.”
I let out a clipped laugh. She nailed it on the head.
How is it going to feel when Jack always wants someone else over me? It’s so heavy I can hardly wrap my brain around it. Still, it drowns my mind in anxiety.
“Yeah, it is a lot,” I reply. “But how long could I really keep him to myself?”
“You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever met,” she says. “My mother never put me first.”
My head snaps up. “That can’t be true.”
She shrugs. “Maybe when I was younger, but as soon as I graduated high school, she made it very clear she was done. And she just left.”
I let out a sigh. “Being a mother is very hard,” I say. “It literally requires more than you have to give. It’s fulfilling, but it’s also exhausting. And no matter how hard you try, you inevitably lose a sense of yourself along the way.”
I watch her jaw clench as she chews on her cheek and stares out at the families passing us by.
Placing my hand back on hers, I squeeze it and then interlace my fingers with hers.
