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But when the Ferris wheel reaches the top, and Jack burrows himself under Jade’s arm in fear, I watch the way she holds him tight, comforting him when the seat rocks.
“Look at the hot-air balloon out there. Do you see it?” she asks, distracting him from his fear.
His eyes are squeezed shut, and slowly he peels them open.
“And there’s the roller coaster,” he replies, pointing across the park.
“And there’s the parking lot. Let’s see if we can find Mommy’s car.”
The two of them hold each other as they scan the parking lot.
Clay’s hands rest in his lap, and when I feel his fingers softly brushing mine, I look down to see them. I want to hold his hand so badly, but what would Jack think? What is the protocol here? Would that be inappropriate? I feel so bad at this.
All my son would see is a show of affection between two people. The only reason he’d think it’s strange or weird is if we make it that way. But I still can’t bring myself to link my fingers with Clay’s.
So I rest my head on his shoulder and find comfort in the way his knuckle brushes mine.
Jack doesn’t even notice. He looks right at me and asks if we can get popcorn after the ride and never makes a single mention of my head on Clay’s shoulder.
* * *
“He’s out,” Clay says as we pull up to the house. I turn around from the driver’s seat to see Jack passed out in the back seat. The three of us giggle at the sight of him, head tilted back and mouth hanging open.
“He had fun today,” Jade says next to me.
“Yes, he did,” I reply.
When I climb out of the car, Clay is already carrying Jack, who’s practically drooling on Clay’s shoulder. Rushing to the front door, I unlock it and open it for Clay, who carries Jack all the way to his room.
I follow him, watching him place my son in his bed and delicately peel off each of his sneakers. Then, from the doorway, I watch in silence as he lifts up his comforter, gently tucking him in. My heart nearly stops when Clay runs his fingers through Jack’s hair and leans down to place a kiss on his forehead.
It’s like someone sucked the air out of the room. My chest is tight, and my eyes sting with the threat of tears. At that moment, I know he loves him. It’s a discovery as significant as learning that he lovesme, if not more so. There is no going back now. No tearing them apart or removing Clay from Jack’s life, not without consequences or heartache.
But that fear is gone because I realize now Clay would never do that. I see the way he looks at my son, and I know…he will never leave him.
When Clay turns around and finds me watching from the doorway, he walks up to me, waiting for me to say something. But I don’t speak. I just reach out and pull him in for a hug, resting my face on his shoulder and holding him tight.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“For what?” he asks.
“For everything,” I reply.
His arms squeeze tighter around me. “I don’t just do it for him, you know?”
I force down the building emotion. “I know.”
After a moment, I pull away from the embrace. Neither of us says anything as we walk out of the hallway and out to the living room. Then we pause at the entrance as we both notice Jade curled up on the couch, fast asleep.
I let out a laugh as he walks over to lift her from the couch. For a moment, I consider asking them both to stay. But even I know that might be too soon. It’s one thing for Jack to see us together, but another for him to climb into my bed in the morning to find two other people in there.
I know we need to introduce this slowly. And I need to have a serious talk with him before I start moving people in.
One step at a time, Eden.
Clay carefully wakes Jade from her sleep and kisses her cheek as he lifts her from the couch.
“I can walk,” she says groggily.
