AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I love the way they feel in my bed. It feels like a dream, and I’m not even asleep yet.
* * *
I wake up first. It’s only seven thirty when I carefully roll out of bed. Standing next to it, I stare at the two of them in my bed, and I smile at howrightit looks.
We’re not rushing into this. They’re not moving in or anything, but I wanted them to both know how serious I am about this. We will do things people in relationships do, like sleeping over at each other’s houses.
Throwing my hair into a bun on the top of my head, I leave my bedroom and cross the house toward Jack’s room. He’s still sleeping peacefully in his bed when I enter. I don’t wake him, but I know he’ll start stirring soon.
So I go to the kitchen and start making a pot of coffee. It feels so normal, and yet nothing feels normal at the moment. Or maybe it’s like a new normal.
While the coffee brews, I walk to the window that overlooks the yard. The sun has risen, painting the sky a warm orange and blue along the horizon. In quiet moments like these, I think about her—the version of myself that lived in agony. The one who endured daily nightmares for far, far longer than anyone should.
I’ve been telling myself for so long that I’m not that woman, but that doesn’t feel true anymore. I did not escape some tragic past version of myself. Just like I can’t run from my past. I carry it with me every day.
I was always the woman in the mirror.
I didn’t save the woman I once was. I saved myself.
I am Eden St. ClaireandMadame Kink.
And to some degree, I’m stillNina—the woman from a small town who refused to be defined by her birth or her fate. The woman who looked in the mirror one day and decided she wanted more.
“Mama?”
Blinking the tears from my eyes, I spin away from the window to see Jack shuffling out of the hallway, one eye open and scratching his head as he slowly wakes up. When he puts his arms up for me like he used to when he was a baby, I use all the strength I have to hoist him off the ground and hold him in my arms.
He rests his head on my shoulder as he slowly wakes up. Standing by the window, I rock him gently. I try to memorize this moment so I can carry it with me when he’s far too big for me to hold anymore.
“Jack, I have to talk to you,” I say softly while stroking his back.
“Yeah, Mama?” he replies with a sleepy rasp.
Deciding this is a conversation we need to have face-to-face, I carry him to the sofa and set him down next to me. Then I take a deep breath and do what I’ve been too afraid to do for well over a year now.
“I wanted to tell you that Clay is going to be my boyfriend.” I stare into his eyes and watch as his expression instantly lights up. He shoots me a beaming smile as he starts to bounce in his seat.
“Is that okay?” I ask although it’s pretty clear that it is.
He nods emphatically. “Yes. Is he going to live with us?”
“No. Not right away, but he’ll be around more. And we can do things together,” I say as I play with one of his unruly curls.
“What about Jade?” he asks, his brows folded inward.
I love that he thinks of her. I love that after only a couple of days together, she’s found a place in his mind. I take a deep breath, my stomach growing heavy.
I know Jack will be accepting of this, and I’ve always taught my son to accept love in every shape and form. But there’s no denying that the world around him has taught him there is only one right way to be in a relationship. Every day, as his mother, I have to fight that heteronormative brainwashing. And he will have to fight that battle with me,with us.
But at the end of the day, it’s still love. And my son deserves nothing less.
“Well,” I say, reaching for his hand, “Jade will be my girlfriend.Ourgirlfriend. Mine and Clay’s.”
His beaming smile doesn’t waver. He doesn’t even look surprised. “Will she live with us too?”
I let out a soft chuckle. “Not yet. Maybe someday.”
He’s wiggling in excitement as he kicks his feet.
