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The second and third time she came, I scaled our lessons back a bit. I might have even made them boring on purpose. Spending an hour each night explaining the rules, boundaries, and safety protocols of the business. Not once did she seem to lose interest or appear bored.
If anything, it had the opposite effect.
I wasn’t actively trying to make her quit, but I wasn’t making our lessons appealing enough to stay, either.
And it wasn’t until tonight, when I found myself looking forward to our lesson, that I realized maybe I didn’t want her to quit at all.
While Jade winds the nylon rope around my wrist, deep in concentration, I study her face and all the expressions she makes. I bite my bottom lip to keep from smiling as she masters the first knot.
“I did it,” she says with excitement.
“Good job,” I reply. “Now try the second one.”
“Do you prefer ropes or cuffs?” she asks while she works.
“It depends. Rope bondage requires patience from both the rigger and the bunny. Not everyone enjoys that.”
“Do you?” she asks, glancing up at me.
“Sometimes. Rope bondage allows for control over your submissive. Rather than just binding their wrists or ankles, they surrender control over their entire body.”
She shudders as if the thought makes her cringe. “I don’t think I would like that.”
“All forms of bondage take a great deal of trust,” I say. “The more of their body they surrender to you, the more they trust you. Having that level of power over someone else is…”
“An honor,” she says, finishing my sentence. When she lifts her gaze to my face, our eyes meet. They linger for a moment, and suddenly, I imagine Jade in that role, giving herself and her body to me. Then I picture the opposite—giving myself to her. And that’s not something I think about very often.
I never give up control.
But the idea of yielding control of my body to her…is oddly enticing. She’s so headstrong and eager. We could have some fun.
“Very good,” Silla says as she passes our table, commending Jade on her work.
We break eye contact at that moment as Jade softly mumbles, “Thank you.”
“Keep practicing,” Silla says to her as she drifts to the next table.
My cheeks grow hot as I stare down at my wrists, where Jade is still practicing her knots. She works in silence, and it’s deafening. I know she must feel it, too, because I’ve noticed Jade is never not talking. She can’t stand the quiet.
But I don’t know what to say now to fill the lapse in our conversation. My mind is reeling from this sudden realization.
I like Jade too much.
It would be very,verystupid of me to develop feelings for my ex’s new girlfriend.
But I don’t think there’s much I can do about it at this point.
* * *
“Jack, you need more sunscreen,” I call to him as he jumps off the monkey bars and comes running toward where I’m sitting on the bench.
“Yes, Mama,” he says as he stops in front of me. His cheeks are bloodred from exertion as he picks up his water bottle and guzzles it down. I put a dollop of sunscreen on my fingers before rubbing it over his cheeks and forehead.
My son might look like me, but he inherited my ex’s pale complexion and burns easily in the sun. I let him get a bad sunburn once when I took him to the beach as a toddler, and he cried so much it broke my heart. Now I’ve become obsessed with sunscreen, and at this point, he’s used to it.
“Can we go to the movies tonight?” he asks, and I give him a confused look.
“We’re at the park right now, and you want to go to the movies tonight?”
