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“Yeah, maybe the arcade guy will be there.”
My heart sinks. “No, buddy. We can’t go to the movies, and I doubt thearcade guywill be there anyway,” I say, shoving the sunscreen into my bag. “We’re not stalkers,” I add in a low mutter.
“What’s a stalker?” he asks, and it makes me laugh.
“Forget I said that, please.”
“Can you call him?” he asks in a desperate whine.
“No, buddy. I can’t call him.” I wish he would drop the whole Clay thing, but he’s literally been bringing him up almost daily for two weeks. He met him once and for literally five minutes.
Once he realized Clay and I knew each otherfrom work, he became obsessed with seeing him again.
“Well, can we just go to the movies and maybe—”
“Jack, drop it!” I snap.
He freezes, staring at me in surprise. As his expression morphs into sadness, I feel the hot sting of guilt.
“I’m sorry, buddy. I just…”
“It’s okay,” he replies. He turns away to go back to the playground, and I reach for him, hoping for a hug to let him feel how sorry I am, but he brushes my hand away.
I watch him playing from the bench while tears well in my eyes, hidden behind my sunglasses.
My son is lonely.
The thought echoes in my mind like a spell, hurting more and more each time it runs through it.
What if I’m not enough?
Am I a monster? He wants a friend, and I keep denying him that.
So what if I brought Clay around for Jack? He would do it if I asked.
He knows Jack exists already as it is, so why bother trying to hide him?
God, am I actually considering this?
I could enforce strict boundaries. We could meet Clay in a public place, and I would be there the entire time to watch him. It’s not like I’m letting Clay back into my life romantically. But he is one of the few men I know I can trust.
Jack is playing in the sand alone, and it breaks my heart to watch him.
I pull my phone out and find the text message thread with Clay.This is crazy, I think to myself.
Against my better judgment, I type up the simple question and hit Send before I can change my mind. When the text message saysSent,I throw my phone back in my purse and try to pretend I didn’t just do that.
A moment later, Jack sprints over. “I’m hungry,” he complains.
“Let’s go home and have lunch then,” I reply, standing up and taking his little hand in mine. As we walk back toward the house, I glance down at him, and he smiles affectionately up at me.
“How about this?” I ask. “We’ll go to the arcade tonight for pizza and games. If your friend happens to be there, cool. If not, I’ll play the games with you. Okay?”
His walk turns into a bounce as he grins excitedly up at me. “Really?”
“Yes.”
His arms latch around my waist as he hugs me so tight I feel the tears threaten to sting again. “You’re the best mama in the whole world.”
