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“Mmm, I love this song,” she said beside him as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the seat, singing along to Kane Brown’s ‘Like a Rodeo.’
Pressing the volume button on the steering wheel, he turned it up and enjoyed watching her sing along, realizing just how much the song was like their relationship. It was fast and hot, and now it was all about holding on.
He couldn’t help staring at how sexy she looked, completely relaxed and carefree. He knew that she was anything but, the closer they got to Vancouver.
They’d agreed to take the weekend and pick up the things she’d placed in storage before going to Logan Creek, since she’d decided to stay. Once the cities started getting closer and closer together, Skylar grew quieter and more distant.
“Hey,” he said, breaking her attention away from the narrowed streets and tall buildings. “We don’t have to stay the weekend. We can just grab your stuff and go.”
“No, I want to stay. Plus, you promised you’d see Deanna and the kids, and I’d love to meet them.” She gave him a lazy smile as she rolled her head to face him.
“Okay, but only if you’re sure. She’ll understand.” He split his attention between her and the road, especially now that the cars were getting closer together and the drivers more impatient.
“No, it’s okay. Being back in the city is just a little overwhelming. I guess I didn’t really know what to expect.”
He squeezed her hand as he glanced over at her. “The second you want to leave, tell me and we’re gone. Got it?”
She smiled at him and for the first time in awhile, it was genuine. “Deal.”
Pulling into a driveway in a cute little neighbourhood, Dyllan turned off the truck and sat back. Every time he sat in this drive, he couldn’t help but think of how things could’ve been different. Jax could’ve been the one to stay home and find a quiet, safe job to support his family. He should have been the one to do that. Sure, Dyllan had tried to talk him out of it when he’d first applied, even though he knew Jax wasn’t the quiet desk job type. He sought out adventure, lived for the thrill. Dyllan just wished he could’ve found a way to placate that need at home.
“Now you’re the one thinking hard. What’s going on?” Skylar asked, running her thumb along the side of his hand.
Normally he’d brush off the question, but he didn’t want to with her. Instead, he turned in his seat and searched her deep blue eyes, hoping he’d find the answer to the question that had been plaguing him for months. “I was thinking about how life would be different if Jax had stayed, and I had taken the job.”
“Were you both up for the same job?” There wasn’t any judgement in her voice, which he appreciated.
“No,” he said as he shook his head slightly. “But we could’ve been. When I got out of the military, I didn’t have any desire to go into private contract work. I just wanted a quiet job in a quiet town, but not Jax. He loved the thrill and the adventure.”
“So why did he leave the military?”
“He busted his knee on his last tour. He got a medical release and was sent back here. He picked up some local security jobs here and there, but he hated it.”
“That must have been hard for him.” Her voice was quiet as she studied him and listened intently.
“It was, but then he was approached about the private security jobs, and he was the happiest he’d been since on active duty. Deanna wasn’t happy about it, she was happy having him home and safe, but she also knew he wasn’t happy.”
“It must have been hard for all of them.”
Dyllan nodded once, looking up at the house in front of him. Jax’s ability to willingly leave was another aspect he just couldn’t wrap his head around. Inside that house was a world that he’d never truly experienced. A family. Now that he was married to Skylar, he was getting the smallest glimpse of what that could be, and if he ever had that, he wouldn’t be able to walk away from it.
“I understand why you were thinking of taking that job then, as much as I can, I guess, without experiencing what you have, but why now? Why fight so hard for our marriage and still consider going?” Her voice was calm as she asked.
“Like I said last night, you’d be fine if something happened to me.” He refused to look at her, instead focusing on anything he could outside the window. The way the leaves on the branches swayed in the wind, how he should have mowed their lawn before he left, or the trim that needed painting. Anything but the hurt in her eyes that he was expecting.
“But what if I wanted you here with me? Where it’s safe?” Her voice shook with every word.
He couldn’t help but bring his eyes to hers then. The tears in her eyes were a stab to his heart. He couldn’t take a breath without the searing pain.
“Skylar—,” he started, but she interrupted him.
“I know that makes me selfish,” she said as she wiped at a tear as it ran down her cheek. “I can’t help it. I meant it when I said I love you, Dyllan. I know our whole time together has been a jumbled mess and we’ve done everything backwards, but I love you. The thought of you leaving me and possibly getting hurt or killed. That’s too much.”
Cupping her cheeks in his hands, he used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “I don’t want to leave you, babydoll. This was never about me wanting it.”
“Then what is it? Please, make me understand.” She grabbed on to his forearms as he held her.
“I wish I knew how to describe it other than if I go, it’s one less person with a family that doesn’t have to.”
