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Because, right now, I couldn’t stop watching them. Endless clips of me on stage. In interviews. Entering and leaving events.
Kai was by my side in all of them.
The worst were the ones on stage. Suddenly, I was watching us dance in a whole new light. How I lit up whenever Kai approached. How easily I ran my hands all over him.
That smile on my face as I leaned my chin on his shoulder. It wasn’t one I was used to seeing there.
I looked fuckingcontent.
There were so many times when our lips came close. So many shows where a mere gust of wind might’ve been enough to send us crashing together.
I was so happy.
Kai though…Kai wasn’t.
I’d never really watched videos of us before, not this closely. If I had…maybe I would’ve seen the signs.
Whenever I approached Kai, his smile would fall flat. He grimaced when I touched him. Several times, I caught him exchanging unsettled looks with Luca or Arlo.
Not once did my on-screen self spot any of this. Watching it back, it was as clear as fucking day.
Kai hadn’t enjoyed what we did up there. How the fuck had I never noticed? And why hadn’t he said anything?
Unable to torture myself more, I slammed my laptop screen shut. Moving to the bed, I pulled up my text thread with Kai. Endless reams of blue bubbles greeted me, a tinyReadwritten beneath each.
I added another without thinking.
Why didn’t you tell me you hated dancing with me on stage?
The message was read almost instantly. I bolted upright as three little bobbing dots appeared.
Holy shit. Was he actually going to respond?
The dots disappeared. Reappeared. Disappeared.
My hands were shaking as I typed another message.
I can see you typing, Kai. If I call, will you answer?
The dots disappeared once more.
They didn’t come back.
I swallowed around the thickness in my throat. This was so fucking hard. Kai was my go-to person for advice. The one I talked to abouteverything.
This silence was killing me.
Unable to stop myself, I hit his name. It rang twice before going to voicemail.
I tried again.
One ring. Voicemail.
The third time, there was no ringing, just the message I’d come to hate.
Hi. You’ve reached Kai. Please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.
No. He wouldn’t.
