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To be fair, he didn’t know how I felt about him. And in my defence, I tried very fucking hard not to look.
But I was only human.
I shifted against the counter, arranging my legs to hopefully hide the effect Silas had on me. It was something I was well-practised at. “So you came over, realised I wasn’t here, and just decided to have a shower?”
“Yep,” Silas replied, biting another hunk of apple. “Why is that weird? We lived together for years. It’s not the first time I’ve used your shower.”
That was true. I searched my mind for a response less unhinged thanyou shouldn’t do that because I’m dying to strip that towel off and fuck you over the counter.Thankfully, my brain supplied me with a saner response. “I have a boyfriend now. You can’t be doing stuff like this anymore.”
Silas didn’t look away from me as he swallowed his final bite of apple. He moved to put the core in the bin and ended up only inches from me. “What stuff? Behaving like we always have?”
I was so fucking torn. Half of me wanted to haul him against me, while the other half screamed at me that I would just get my heart broken. Again. “It’s not normal, Si. Surely you can see that?”
He didn’t answer me. “Where’s your boyfriend? If you’re so close, why isn’t he staying here?”
Shit. How was I supposed to answer that? “He needs his own space.”
“Right…and there wasn’t enough here? In yourseven-bedhouse?”
I winced. In truth, I had pushed Tristan to stay here, but he’d explained his anxiety was much easier to manage in a familiar hotel environment. “It’s still new between us.”
“Still new, but serious enough to bring him home to introduce him to your friends.”
The edge of hurt in his voice had my defences threatening to crumble. I stood firm though. “Yes.”
He stepped closer, his chest almost brushing against my own. “And that’s what you want? For us to not be like we werebefore?”
No.That was what my heart was screaming. It hammered the bars of the cage my brain had put around it, begging for any scraps of Silas’s attention.
But I’d given up letting my heart rule me. It never learned.
“That’s right.” I couldn’t look him in the eye. I settled for a spot over his shoulder. “You’re my best friend, Silas. That’ll never change. But we can’t…”
“Can’t what?” His hand came up to catch my chin. He forced me to look at him. To see the determination in his eyes. The hurt. The hope. “Whatcan’twe do? What can’t we be to each other now that Tristan is in the picture?”
It hit me then, exactly why he was behaving like this.
He was afraid. Of losing me. Our friendship.
“You’re jealous,” I said in disbelief.
“So what if I am?” He still hadn’t let go of my face. “You going to tell me I shouldn’t be?”
I shoved his hand away and shouldered past him. My voice was rough as I spoke nothing but the truth. “He’s not replacing you, Silas. You’re still my best friend.”
His breath ghosted against the back of my neck. “Is that what we are to each other? Friends?”
I spun around, confusion making my temper climb. “Of course! What else would we be?”
“What about that kiss then? What do you call that?”
It was the one thing he could say to remind me of what I had to lose. I threw his words back at him. The careless statement that had shredded me deeply and haunted me during our time apart. “Part of theact. That’s all that ever was.”
Shadows flickered over his eyes. For a heartbeat, I wondered who this man was. My Silas had never looked at me like this before. Like he was a breath away from shutting me up with his mouth or fist.
It would be the latter. I locked the cage tighter, refusing to contemplate anything else.
Then he stepped back, his usual grin returning. But there was an edge to it, something I didn’t recognise. “The act. Of course.”
