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I stared sightlessly into my mug, waiting for the inevitable.
But it never came.
“Okay,” Silas said, his voice strained. “We’ll put a pin in it. For now.”
I closed my eyes.Tell him. Tell him you’ll never be ready. That you need space from him because your fucking heart is breaking. Tell him it’s not his fault, but it’s for the best.
The words never came. I stayed silent like the fucking coward I was. And when Silas offered me an olive branch by asking me about filming, I grabbed it like the lifeline it was.
Because I knew I was fucked.
I couldn’t give Silas up completely. It was like asking me to give up air. I had given him up for four months and almost asphyxiated.
So, as I gave him all the mundane details of my trip, taking care to avoid mentions of Tristan, I changed tact.
I’d thought I’d known heartbreak before where Silas was concerned, but none of that compared to the physical agony of not having him in my life at all.
I was going to have Silas as my best friend again. Nothing more. Nothing less.
And I was going to be okay with that.
I was.
Chapter fifteen
Silas
WhenKaihadthrownmy words about our kiss back at me, I’d known that wasn’t the right time to push. Something that was further compounded by his refusal to talk about the real reason he’d left. Kai was a stubborn fucker at the best of times. Once he’d made a decision or had an idea about something, he stuck to it, come what may. The only way around it was to wait him out.
So that was what I was doing. I was waiting. But I wasn’t giving him space. We’d had enough space between us recently. Like hell was I letting him push me away again.
Not ready to be parted from Kai, I persuaded him to hit up an escape room with me. We’d done most of the ones in the area, but fortunately, a new place had opened while we’d been on tour.
“What’s the theme of this one?” Kai asked as I drove us into Portsmouth.
“Millenium Meltdown.” I dropped my voice into a mock ominous tone. “With only an hour until midnight, can we prevent Y2K before it’s too late?”
Kai made a noise that was half-groan and half-laugh. “Ah, it’s going to have lots of shit from our childhood labelled asnostalgia,isn’t it.”
“Most likely. No doubt we’ll be walking out feeling as old as our knees tell us we are.”
We exchanged a conspiratorial grin. Neither of us actually thought thirty-five wasold,but some of our joints disagreed. Especially after several shows on the trot.
“Remember the first room we did?” Kai stroked the stubble on his chin.
I gave a hoot. “Christ, I don’t think I could ever forget that. It was the 1940s war one, and we got so hung up on that fucking replica decoding machine that we didn’t get out.”
“I still say they shouldn’t put items in the room unless they are relevant to a game,” Kai groused.
“So you’ve said. On the way to every game we’ve done since.”
We grinned at each other again, and some of the tension I’d been carrying lifted. This was us. This is what we did. Spent time together and gave each other shit.
Not wanting to lose the moment, I continued our reminiscing. “Remember when you thought the light fitting was a clue?”
Kai covered his face with both his hands. “Why’d you have to bring that one up? I paid for the damages!”
Laughter bubbled out of me. “You’re the reason they have that warning now about how the lights arenotpart of the game. Little do they know it’s because of Kai, guitarist for Caffeine Daydreams.”
