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Kai
Iwasalreadyawakeby the time Tristan surfaced the following morning. Truth be told, I hadn’t slept much.
I couldn’t stop picturing Silas’s face before he turned away from me and fled.
He’d looked…devastated.
“Morning.” I greeted Tristan as he slid onto a stool with a massive yawn. Poor guy didn’t look like he’d slept any better than me. What was keeping him up at night though? “Tea?”
He gave a visible shudder. “Ew, no. I need real caffeine.”
“Tea has more caffeine in it than coffee.”
He peered up at me over the bags under his eyes. “That’s scientifically untrue.”
I was already at the coffee machine and making him an espresso. I’d spent enough time with him during filming to know how he took it. “Then explain why us Brits are always so polite. It’s the tea. It keeps us awake.”
He took a sip of his coffee as he gave me a bemused look. “Y’all are polite but not smiley. I can never tell if a Brit is being kind or sarcastic. It’s a little scary.”
I took the stool opposite him. “Always best to err on the side of sarcastic.”
“Noted.”
We slipped into a companionable silence as we sipped our drinks. My mind drifted back to the night before and how Tristan had pulled me aside. I didn’t know what had been said between him and Silas, but it was enough to make my new friend worried about me. Worried enough to remind me of what we were trying to do here.
“Thank you for staying.” I’d been afraid Silas might not take my request seriously and show up anyway. I hadn’t wanted to be caught out in a lie.
For the first time, I’d set a firm boundary between us. A healthy one. An appropriate one.
And it had almost fucking killed me.
Tristan waved off my thanks, studying me with a solemn expression. “How are you feeling this morning after…you know?”
I braced my hands on the counter. “Not great. You’re right. What we’ve got going on will lead to more pain for me in the long run. But fuck…it hurts. I’m so used to him just beingthere. You know?”
Tristan pursed his lips. “Okay, I wasn’t going to meddle, but I have to ask. Are you sure Silas doesn’t have feelings for you?”
His question poked at the hole I was so careful to keep covered. The one where I shoved all the hope that only ever got me burned. “No. He’s straight. Trust me, if he felt anything other than platonic, I’d know about it by now. He tells me everything.”
He raised a manicured brow. “The same way you tell him everything?”
“That’s different. Si…he can’t hide his feelings. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He always has.”
“I’m just saying, I’ve never seen two ‘friends’ behave the way you two do. I know you told me y’all have this unhealthy codependent schtick going on…but wow. It’s so much worse than I anticipated. In all honesty, I’m not surprised you fell in love with him. You haven’t had the opportunity to learn who you are without Silas.”
“That’s what this break was supposed to be about.” The fatigue from the night before seemed to be catching up with me. “Finding out who I am and what my life would be like without him.”
“And how is it?”
“Fucking shit,” I said baldly. “Lonely and depressing. Like someone removed one of my lungs and then asked me to run a marathon.”
Tristan sighed. “Look, I know we haven’t known each other long, but I care about you. If you think Silas doesn’t have feelings for you, maybe we should keep up this ruse. But…what if he does, Kai? What if you’re pushing away the one thing you wanted?”
“I’m not,” I said, shaking my head quickly. “Silas doesn’t see me like that.”
“Then why did he ask you to dance? Why does he behave like a jealous lover whenever I’m in the vicinity?”
I’d been asking myself the same questions. It was dangerous thoughts like those that had kept me up half the night. “I think he is jealous...but not for the reason you’re hinting at. Now that you’re here, our friendship has changed. He feels threatened by you.” I heaved a sigh. “Just the fact he threw our onstage behaviour in your face proves that. It’s just an act to Si. It always has been. To him, it’s another way we demonstrate how close we are. As friends.”
