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I was on my feet and running.
It didn’t matter that he hadn’t called me. If Silas needed me, I was going to be there.
His room was dark as I burst in. A sliver of moonlight crept in from the window, illuminating Silas. He was sat up, his knees drawn to his chest as he rocked slowly.
“Si.” I rushed to him, sliding onto the bed and pulling him into my arms. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”
He tried to speak, but nothing came out but a sob.
“It’s okay,” I reassured him again, pulling him so he was lying down. I arranged the quilt over us before tucking him in against my chest. Just like I’d done since that very first nightmare. “I’m here. You’re not alone.”
Gradually, his shaking subsided and his breathing returned to normal. My chest was wet from his tears, but I didn’t let him go to mop it up. No, I’d hold him for as long as he needed.
I could tell the moment he was fully awake and aware of what was happening. He stiffened in my arms, pulling back so abruptly that he nearly rolled off the edge of the bed. He ended up on his back, staring at the ceiling. Even with the minimal light, I could see a muscle jumping in his jaw. “What are you doing here?”
It was like a knife in my gut. I studied him. My best friend. My confidant. The only man I’d ever love.
Refusing to look at me. Like doing so might break off another part of his heart.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
Silas kept his gaze steady. “Didn’t think you’d come.”
I flinched, my hand going to my chest. “I’ll always answer your calls, Si.”
That had him twisting his head to the side and, fuck, his eyes. I’d never seen them look so empty. “I’d believe that if you hadn’t ghosted me while filming.”
“But you never called at night…I would’ve answered then.” A horrifying realisation washed over me. “Are you saying you’ve been having nightmares and just…going through them alone?”
His expression turned hopeless. “What else was I supposed to do, Kai? You made it abundantly clear you needed space from me.”
“Not at the expense of your own happiness.”
He made a choked noise. “Can’t believe you thought you could ignore me for four months and I’d behappyabout it. Anyway, you shouldn’t even be in here. You should be with Tristan.”
“No, I should be withyou.Forget about Tristan. We aren’t together.” I couldn’t stand the distance between us, but I didn’t want to force Silas into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with. I wriggled closer, my hand stroking up his neck and cupping his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Si. There’s a lot I need to tell you, that we need to talk about, but I want to start with that. I’m sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention. Fuck, Si, the one and only truth I’ve lived by is that I want you to be happy.”
Silas blinked rapidly. “You’re ready to talk?”
I nodded. “I’ll answer whatever questions you have. I just…I can’t have this distance between us, Si. I can’t cope. I know it’s not healthy, but you’re the air I need to breathe. These past few months without you felt like I was slowly suffocating, able to draw enough breath to keep me alive but not enough tolive.”
Silas bit his lip. “You know what? I don’t want to talk.”
“You don’t?”
He sat up abruptly, and my mouth went dry in fear. He was leaving. Walking away.
Then Silas kicked off the duvet and shoved me onto my back. Before I could say anything, he straddled my waist. Fuck, I was wrong. He wasn’t leaving.
He was getting closer. His arse landed squarely on my groin, and my hands flew up to grab his hips in surprise. We were both in underwear. Two thin pieces of cotton separated us.
Silas’s chest heaved as he put his forearms on either side of my head to brace himself. The move left his mouth hovering only inches from my own. I could feel his breath on my lips. Fuck, how I wanted to close the distance between us.
But I’d read the situation wrong with Silas way too many times before for me to take that risk. He needed to take that step.
“No more talking,” Silas whispered, his eyes flicking between mine. “Things get messy when we talk. Let’s leave that until tomorrow.”
Part of me yearned to spill it all now. Tell him the truth about my feelings. Tristan. My fears.
