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My lips twitched despite the gravity of the moment. “I believe it was a tree.”
“Tree numberthree,” he corrected me wryly.
Silence fell as Silas reached a hand up to stroke my jaw. He brushed it once. Twice. “I was there with you, Kai. Right there, in that moment. Waking up to realise that the way I felt about you was far from platonic.”
I closed my eyes, unable to stand how much I’d hurt him. “And I left you alone to deal with that. I’m sorry.”
“My sexual awakening was not your responsibility,” Silas whispered, thumbing at my lower lip. “You might’ve been the cause, but it was for me to work through. And…as much as I hate to say it, maybe you were right.”
“Right about what?”
“Putting distance between us.” He swallowed, his hand still stroking my face like he couldn’t stop touching me. “It gave me…time. Time to figure out that my feelings for you were…changing. No, not changing.” He shook his head impatiently. “They were the same as they always were, but I’d just never realised. What I feel for you goes far deeper than what I feel for Luca or Arlo. For years, I put it down to just being best friends. But you were right…what friends behave like we do?”
I chuckled. “None that I’m aware of. But…I’m sorry. Leaving you like that…not saying goodbye…was the single most selfish thing I ever did. My only excuse is that I was at my breaking point. As much as I loved touching you on stage, it fucking destroyed me knowing it didn’t mean the same to you as it did to me.”
His hands froze on my face. “Do you want me to stop touching you now?”
“No,” I barked, grabbing his wrist and refusing to let him move. “It’s different now.”
Yes. Everything was different now.
“So you went away hoping, what? That’d you’d get over me?”
It seemed so stupid now. “Yeah. Turns out you’re kind of impossible to get over.”
He flashed me a dimpled grin, his chipped tooth on display. “Well, I could’ve told you that.”
“Didn’t work at all. That’s where Tristan came in. It’s true that we got close while we were filming. It was fuckingbreakingme being apart from you, Si. Tristan was the one who helped me through it.”
Silas stiffened, pulling back slightly. I squeezed his wrist again. “He offered to fly over and pretend to be my boyfriend. I was worried that if he didn’t, things would go back to how they were before. If I’d had the slightest inkling you felt the same way, I wouldn’t even have considered it.”
He was still looking unsure. I leaned my forehead against his, staring deep into his eyes. “I mean it, Si. There was neveranythingbetween us. I was too blinded by you to even look at anyone else. And Tristan? Well…he’s got his own stuff going on.”
He frowned. “What kind of stuff?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. Whatever it is, it’s serious. Serious enough for him to agree to be my fake boyfriend to help me stay away from you.”
“Poor guy,” Silas’s face softened. “Wait, is that why you took that photo this morning?”
Relief poured through me. “Yes. We both knew our fake tryst was coming to an end. It was obvious to just about everyone that I can’t stay away from you. I offered to take one final photo for him to post in the hope it’d buy him some more time. But not until I’d explained everything to you.”
Silas groaned. “Ah, man, now I feel like a dick. I know I’m being irrational. I just remember his hands all over you, and it makes me want to punch something.”
I rubbed his wrist. “I get that.”
I saw the horror dawn on his face. “Oh fuck, Kai. This is how you felt every time I took someone else home. Is that why you moved to a different floor on tour?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said quickly. I didn’t want Silas blaming himself, not when he didn’t know.
He yanked his arm from my grip and threw both around my neck. I staggered back a step under his weight, my back hitting the wall.
“It fuckingmatters, Kai. You matter. More than anything. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t figure things out sooner. I’m sorry I—”
I surged forwards, catching his lips with mine. His apologies were undoing the fragile stitching holding me together. I didn’t want them. I didn’tneedthem.
I just needed him.
Silas sank into my kiss with a groan. He flattened his body to mine, his hands straining as he tried to get as close as possible.
