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“Oh, come on. I’m not that out of touch. I know you guys were sexually active. It’s okay.”
“But we weren’t. Brandon always said he wanted to wait until marriage. I mean, we did some things, but you know… not all the way. No home run for this gal.” I tilted my thumbs back at myself as I hid my rosy cheeks.
“Ha. That’s a riot.”
“I’m serious, Mom. I was a virgin.” As soon as I said the word, I hoped she didn’t question the past tense part.
“BB, I found the condom wrapper under the bed while putting away your clothes. You don’t have to lie.” She sighed like I was inconveniencing her.
“I’m not, Mom. Promise. But when did you find the condom wrapper?” I asked, a cold sweat breaking out.
She really looked at me then, finally getting the hint I wasn’t lying to her. “A couple of months ago. You sure it wasn’t yours?”
“Considering we never had sex. Yeah. It wasn’t mine.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widened, and we both stood there stunned. I had no idea if Brandon had cheated on me or if someone else had sex in my bedroom. I didn’t know which option I preferred.
“Well. What did you see in him then, honey, if the sex wasn’t out of this world?” she asked, breaking up the tense moment.
My mouth dropped open, and a giggle escaped as hysteria caught up to me. “I have no clue. I asked myself the same question yesterday, and all I could come up with was he had a cute dimple and was nice. When I realized that, I knew I couldn’t build a life off of it.”
“Oh, thank god. I always wondered why you wanted to be B. Cupley.”
I shook my head, wiping my eyes as tears fell from laughing so hard. “I hadn’t ever thought of it until yesterday. Mom, if you thought he was boring, why did you pick out the wedding topper that you did? That I don’t get.”
She reared back like I’d struck her. Okay, I guess Mom was really sensitive about cake toppers.
“You thought I picked it out?” she gasped, and I wrinkled my brow in confusion.
“You didn’t?”
She shook her head no.
“Then who?”
“Brandon.”
At that, we both giggled at how he apparently saw the two of us. Holy hell, I couldn’t believe I almost married a guy who saw me as a pre-makeover ‘Sandy.’ Nothing against the character, but it wasn’t me. At least not anymore.
Hawk had been right. I was more of a Frenchie.
“I never wanted to say this,” Mom admitted as she wrapped her arm in mine as we continued our walk, “but his mother was atrocious. I was not looking forward to sharing grandchildren with that woman. She would be the type to go behind your back and do things you asked her not to.” She shuddered, clearly not a fan of Brandon’s mother.
As we neared the car, I felt an overwhelming sense of motherly love between us and realized how much I needed my mom. This version, at least.
“I lost my virginity to Hawk last night and then pushed him away after Bryce found us together by lying that it meant nothing. Then I ran out of there like a runaway bride, this time with actual tears because it hurt worse to walk away from him than it had Brandon. Then I got a tattoo because I feel like I never get to make my own choices, and I just wanted to live instead of hiding!”
I had to give it to my mother; she took it all in stride.
Her eyes widened at my word vomit. But instead of screaming at me in outrage or even telling me how ridiculous and irresponsible I’d been, she pulled me into another hug, this one soft and reassuring as she patted my back. The tears and sobs came, and I drenched her coat, but she held onto me, rocking back and forth as I exorcised my demons through tears.
“I think this is partly my fault,” she said, drawing back once the hiccups had slowed. “When you got sick, I overcompensated. I kept you tucked away, so worried I’d lose you. We got so used to the roles that we didn’t know how to break free from them, even when you became an adult. If I’d listened to you during the wedding planning instead of focusing on how happy I was to see you as a bride, I would’ve realized how checked out you were. I’m sorry, BB.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“You could never disappoint me, sweetie. You’re my miracle.”
Fresh tears fell, but I felt lighter.
