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Gabby shakes her head as she stares at me in wonder. Sure, for her it seems like an impossibility. Considering her romantic propensities, it’s probably for the best. Plus, she has a brother who would look upon any transgression as a mark on him. Men and their misguided pride. Go figure, but that’s the kind of backward upbringing we’re dealing with. I have only my mother to dupe, and I have no qualms about doing that. Hell, I take pleasure in it.
Thankfully, the bell rings, saving me from Gabby’s interrogation.
The rest of the day is uneventful, the teachers not even noticing my torn blouse or missing skirt button. After school, I slink to the back of the library for detention and plop down in a seat at a blessedly empty table. Of course, I’d forgotten Marku had also missed a class until he saunters into the library. He looks irritated and bored. Then his eyes fall on me and those twin dark orbs light up into black flames of fury.
Considering I won our last showdown, I should be happy that he’s angry. After all, he’s the one who dragged me into the science lab to find out what happened and ended up none the wiser about the Sperm Donor. Since I now know what Marku’s tongue can do, I count that a solid win on my part.
Only it doesn’t feel like a win with him glaring down as he stomps past to get to the table at the other side of the library. I’m usually the one mad at him. I can count on one hand the number of times he’s lost his temper with me, and the last one tore our friendship apart. He’d suffered more than I had imagined these past four years, and while he might be acting like he’s furious with me, he’s more pissed at himself than anyone else.
Which makes me sad.
The self-loathing carved on his face was like a knife to my heart. Just because I don’t want to be married to him, just because he acts like a domineering asshole, doesn’t mean that a part of me doesn’t still love him. I mean, I love my mother and she’s done far worse. I clench my teeth at any reminder of her or Alexei or of them together.
I shake my head, putting that aside for when I get home.
The point is that love doesn’t require reason. Love doesn’t need to make sense.
It just is.
Like a tree or a mountain. A mountain doesn’t go around justifying itself to anyone. Neither does my love.
And maybe this new revelation can help me let go of the feeling of betrayal, of him letting those boys attack me. Maybe we can regain the friendship that we’d lost that day.
Maybe.
But that doesn’t mean I want him to find out about what happened this morning. Honestly, I barely want to think about it, much less acknowledge it to anyone. It’s embarrassing. No, it’s more than that. It’s shameful.
Once the students have settled in, the librarian calls out the roster of names. I glance over the wide expanse of glossy-topped mahogany library tables at Marku. Towering behind him, like a throne, are stacks of books set against a couple of tall, arched windows. The metal muntins divide the windows into a grid-like pattern. Gives the feel of what prisons were like back in the day. This building was formerly a New York City mansion and, despite the millions poured into modernizing it, details of its original life remain. And I can only imagine that it was the home of a wealthy recluse who wanted to lock the rest of the world out.
Marku glares back at me, his mouth set in stern disapproval. His gaze drops to the tear in my blouse and then back up, a menacing promise in his eyes.Oh shit.He’s remembered. I snap my head back to the front of the library. Okay, I need a plan to get out of here before he nabs me because if he gets to me first, I don’t know what he’ll do...
CHAPTER8
MARKU
Goddammit to hell, I’d forgotten that I hadn’t gotten the information I’d wanted earlier until I saw her in detention.
My blood boils at the thought of my neglect. She’s a menace to herself and society, and as fucked-up as I might be, I’ll be damned if I let her get away from me again.
I bide my time, grinding my teeth and clenching and unclenching my fists underneath the library table. Thetick-tockof the second hand on the library’s grandfather clock matches the relentless tempo of my beating heart. But a wait like this is nothing for me. I’ve spent many an hour lying in bed listening to the beat of my heart and hating every second of it. Fantasizing of all the different ways I could make it stop. All the ways to do away with this useless life I was left with after I failed him.
Tick-tock.
The only reasons I didn’t kill myself were my mother and Crina. My mother, because I knew she’d never survive the death of both her sons. Crina, because I wasn’t sure she’d survive to adulthood without my surveillance. I had to watch over her and make sure she didn’t do anything truly stupid, like put her life in jeopardy.
Tick-tock.
And then there was Cristian. Don’t know if my mind’s playing tricks on me, but my brother comes to me in my dreams on the regular. He’s made it clear that he would not be happy to have me join him anytime soon. He was furious I’d abandoned the race forconsilier. I don’t know what’s worse, the night terrors about his killer or when he drops in to berate me.
Tick-tock.
I let the soft stroke of every second sweep through me as the hands smoothly brush across the clockface. Beneath the calm surface, I’m tense, ready to pounce on Crina the instant this dumbass detention is done, but it’s an elated, heightened tension.
The last stroke of the minute hand crosses the finish line.Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong.Five o’clock. Students pick up their belongings before the librarian has officially ended detention. A flustered Ms. Albu shakes her attention off the book she’s reading, stands up, and calls an end to our collective suffering.
Crina races for the exit, but I’m up and out of my seat. She glances over her shoulder at me as she charges straight into a table near the entrance, toppling a wobbly rack of paperbacks.
“Crina Lupu,” calls out Ms. Albu.
