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“Hm. Do you think she was heartbroken?”
“Uh, no.” Lara thought back to that afternoon when they’d walked the beach on one of the very rare occasions that they both had the same day off. “I think we were both disappointed, but she was passionate about what she did. And I hadn’t been with Kerri that long. I knew that I was so lucky to be working with someone like her, so I wasn’t about to go ask her for less hours, and that wasn’t even a possibility really, when you’re someone’s personal assistant.”
Now that Lara had Nina taking care of all the minor things in her life, she was glad that she’d done the same for Kerri. Yes, it was a hard job, always being ready to jump off the couch and run an errand or get across town as soon as she could, but it was an important job, and for her, she got to learn so much from being around Kerri for those three years.
“What about you?” Lara asked, curious to know if there was a reason for Charlotte’s reservations. Had she already had an affair with someone much younger than her?
Lara had searched online for anything about who Charlotte might have been dating since she came out, but there were just a few photos of her that some fan accounts had run with, claiming Charlotte was madly in love with that singer or TV presenter. As far as Lara could see, they were just rumors though.
“What about me?” Charlotte asked.
“Have you ever been heartbroken?”
Charlotte shook her head, her arm draped over the back of the sofa as she turned a little bit more towards Lara, still plenty of space between them. “I’ve never actually been in a serious relationship. A few very short-lived affairs. Nothing scandalous. I just wasn’t out back then. Maybe… Maybe, there was something there with one woman. But that was years ago. And I wasn’t even ready to think about coming out.”
“But now that you have? You haven’t dated anyone seriously?”
“No.” Charlotte brought her glass to her lips and took a sip. “I’ve been on a few dates. But no. There’s been nothing serious. Does that surprise you?”
Lara inhaled a sharp breath. “Yeah. I mean, a lot of people would have said a few years ago that Sydney was the most available queer woman, but now that she’s taken…And you’re out. I think you might have taken over that spot now.”
Charlotte laughed. “I doubt that.”
“You two did cause a bit of a frenzy on gay Twitter.”
“We did,” Charlotte said, still laughing softly, but she didn’t elaborate, and Lara couldn’t stop her mind from wandering, from thinking that maybe Sydney was the person that Charlotte thought she might have had a chance with. But there was a serious age gap there too. “But I am open to meeting someone.”
“Just not someone nineteen years younger than you.”
“Now who’s bringing up our age difference?” Charlotte asked with a glint in her eyes.
“I’m just trying to figure out where I stand,” Lara said honestly, a sad smile coming to her lips, because she really wished that Charlotte wasn’t so hung up on it. Had Ada been this reluctant with Sydney or Kerri with Rachel? She’d never gotten that impression. Definitely not from Kerri.
“I might have avoided heartbreak so far by not putting myself out there, by not even remotely being in a situation where that could happen, and…” Charlotte sighed, sliding her hand through her hair as she propped her elbow up on the back of the sofa. “I guess, now that it could happen, I’m being overly cautious. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but… I’ve seen friends, other actresses, even some family have some really dark months because they couldn’t handle their relationships coming to an end.”
“I get that.” Lara held her gaze. “But that comes at a cost too.”
“It does.”
“Why did you come out? If you didn’t think you’d put yourself out there and meet anyone.”
Charlotte opened her mouth and closed it again, sitting up straight as she ran her hand through her hair. “I came out to make a difference, and I had no idea that that wouldn’t even have been the scariest part.”
Lara wanted to reach out and cover Charlotte’s hand, but she was so afraid that one wrong move would send Charlotte running out of this house.
Lara had to ask though. She had to know where this was coming from. “Is that why things ended with anyone you’ve dated so far? Because you weren’t willing to see what would come of it after a few dates?”
“No. Honestly. There just wasn’t anything there. They were all wonderful women. Mostly people in the business, so they would have understood my lifestyle. But no… There just wasn’t that spark.”
Lara nodded, trying to figure out what to make of all this. She never could have imagined someone as talented and accomplished and confident as Charlotte could struggle to put themselves out there like this.
And in that moment, Lara knew that if anything was going to happen between them, it would have to be slow. She couldn’t imagine Charlotte spending the night with her if she was this afraid of falling for someone.
“You must think I’m crazy,” Charlotte said softly, taking Lara away from her thoughts.
“What? No.”
“A little?” Charlotte asked with a hint of a smile, the lines around her eyes barely noticeable.
