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“I mean,” she blinked. “Maybe I… do? A little? He’s a stubborn ass, but he is really cute, and he’s a good guy, and sometimes I do want to rip all of his clothes off when we’re arguing.”
Then she shook her head. “But I’m just sex-starved and we’d be a disaster in real life. It’s ridiculous. And I can’t believe you even distracted me like that, witch. We’re talking about you.”
Well, she’d knocked the wind out of my sails with her honesty so I sat down on the bed beside her.
“I slept with Reece,” I admitted quietly.
“I knew it!” she said, all but jumping up and down on the bed beside me. “Was last night the first time?”
I felt the blush rise on my cheeks before dropping my head and shaking my head no. “It’s just casual sex,” I continued hurriedly. “No strings or anything, we both agreed. But then last night we just sort of… fell asleep together and he held me all night.”
Her hand went to her chest. “Oh my God, that’s so sweet, shut up! Except don’t. Tell me everything.”
So I told her a little more, skipping over the most intimate details about our play but getting to the part where Jeremiah found us this morning. And the less than generous conclusions he’d come to, along with the things he’d said.
“I’m gonna stab his eyeballs out.” Ruth jumped to her feet. “How dare he go in guns blazing, judging you or his brother like that?”
I reached out a hand and grabbed her arm before she could go storming out of the room. “He was just surprised. And I hate that I put either of them in that position. They usually get along so well. It’s better if I just remove myself from the equation and let everything go back to the way it was.”
“That’s bullshit,” Ruth exclaimed emphatically. “They’re brothers. I’m sure they fight all the time.”
“I’ve never seen them fight.”
She rolled her eyes. “We’ve known them for what? All of three weeks? And from what you described, whatever boiled over this morning has been something contentious between them that’s probably been under the surface for a while. And I’m sure it’s not the first time it’s bubbled over. You just had a front seat for it this time, and that was shitty of Jeremiah. But from what I’ve seen, I suspect that’s who these guys are. They don’t mask what they’re thinking or feeling. It’s just all right there, hanging out for better or worse.”
I sat with that for a second, absorbing what she’d said. I couldn’t imagine… Just saying and showing what you thought and felt instead of covering it over and hiding it to stay safe.
Because everybody on this ranch knew deep down it was safe to say whatever the hell they wanted. To show whatever emotion they were having.
As if… as if it was normal to just have a conflict without it turning into disaster. And that was something I could barely even comprehend.
I blinked harder, getting up and walking towards the window, and for the first time since Jeremiah had come in yelling, my heartbeat finally started to slow.
I was safe.
Everything was okay.
I’d just operated on a fight or flight instinct the second I felt those old feelings. I lifted a trembling hand to my forehead, wiping away the cold sweat.
I closed my eyes and leaned it against the cold glass. It felt nice against my flushed skin.
“I’m a complete mess,” I whispered.
“Oh, honey.” I felt Ruth’s hand at my back. “Welcome to the club.”
“I made a fool out of myself.”
“I doubt it. I would have been mortified if anyone had found me like that and said those things. Difference between us is, I would have gotten pissed and wanted to start throwing fists. But you’re a sweet girl who takes the whole world on your shoulders, it seems like.”
I laughed. “You’re fight, I’m flight.”
Then my smile faded. “I always thought it would be more heroic to stand and fight.”
Sometimes I felt like such a wimp for being Jeff’s victim. The whole thought of it made me want to crawl out of my skin. But I knew if I ever tried fighting back, it would just go twice as bad. It was futile.
Ruth shook her head and made a face. “No way. It’s a terrible idea. As someone who got in my share of actual fights all growing up, I can tell you, it doesn’t solve much. It feels good for about three seconds to lash out. But then someone’s usually hitting you back. And that sucks.”
“You can say that again.”
