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I kept going up the stairs.
But I should have known Ruth.
She was immediately on my heels. “Whoa, what happened? And were you out doing morning chores dressed like that in just your robe?”
I stubbornly kept looking ahead. Could I get to my room and shut the door before she lobbed any more questions at me?
“Oh my God, is this a walk of shame! You dirty bird! Which of them was it?!”
I felt my cheeks flame. How had we fallen asleep out there? I’d just meant to shut my eyes for a moment. I’d thought for sure I wouldn’t fall asleep because, hello, we were outside. On the ground. It was cold. And we were in a stable.
I spun and faced her. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to get out of here. You said you’d drive me to Austin. Is that offer still good?”
“Holy shit.” Her eyes were wide. “You’re serious.”
Was she kidding? I clenched my fists together and bit the insides of my cheeks in an effort to hold back all the emotion I was feeling.
Staying as long as I had and getting close to any of them had been a mistake in the first place. I’d had a plan. Disappear in a big city. Don’t make friends, don’t make waves. Just disappear for a while. Cocoon myself away. Maybe forever if that was what I needed. I wasn’t… fit to be around people.
Some people were meant to be like Ruth and her friend Olivia—the kind of people who just put themselves out there and lived out loud. But that wasn’t me. That couldn’t be me.
Every time I tried, I just made things worse, so much worse. I’d tried to escape my mom’s house and landed in Jeff’s lap. Then in escaping Jeff, I’d come here and screwed things up between Reece and his brother.
Why do you ruin everything? It was Jeff’s voice in my head, but just because the man was a narcissistic monster didn’t mean he was always wrong.
I was the common denominator in my shitty life.
He’d been attracted to me in the first place for a reason. Broken called to broken, like two grotesque pieces of a puzzle. I couldn’t even see what he was, I’d been so blinded. I just let him pull me right into his web, absolutely desperate for love and attention.
And hadn’t I done the same thing here? Wanting Reece and then grasping for him, not caring about the consequences for anyone involved?
“Can I keep a couple of the jeans and shirts you’ve lent me?” I asked Ruth, both of us still facing each other in a stand-off in the hallway outside my room.
“Jesus, Charlie, the clothes are yours, but you can’t leave!”
“I can and I will,” I said. Better now before things got any worse.
Ruth crossed her arms over her chest. “What happened? Did one of those assholes do something to you? Tell me right now. I’ll rip their balls off.”
“What?” I was appalled. “Of course not!” I finally turned and headed for my room. I was officially over this conversation. I just needed to pack my things and get on the road. “It’s just me. I screw shit up. It’s time to go. I gotta get outta here.”
I pushed into my bedroom but Ruth just followed right behind me.
“Is that what happened wherever you were last? Things got a little complicated and you just took off?”
My mouth dropped open as I spun back to her. “You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”
She threw her hands out. “That’s because you don’t talk to anyone! You haven’t let any of us in. So maybe you did last night. Did you sleep with one of the guys? With Reece? Or… Buck?”
And in that moment, I realized the name she had conspicuously not mentioned. “Oh my God, you like Jeremiah, don’t you?”
“What?” she laughed, but it was fake. “Don’t be ridiculous.” But then her facial features transformed from indifference to suddenly looking freaked out. “Why? Did you sleep with Jeremiah?”
Then, as if hearing herself, she shrugged. “Not like it would make any difference to me if you did. I’m just curious. And so I can figure out which asshole I need to go straighten out so we can get you to stay.”
But I was shaking my head. “Yeah right, I see right through you. You like Jeremiah. As in, like him.” Even as I said it, I felt a little junior high-ish. But at the same time, I knew I was right.
Ruth’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. She looked at the door to my bedroom. And then she hurriedly shut it. Then she went and sat down on my bed, looking a little freaked out.
