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“You can but if you tell me you’re married and it’s complicated, which is why you’ve been shamelessly flirty with me while keeping your distance at the same time, then I reserve the right to punch you in your face, really hard.”
He laughed so freely I would swear to him being relieved. “I’m not married and I’m not positive I’ve been shamelessly flirty with you but I’m not great at much more than sex so maybe I have and just don’t know it.”
“You don’t expect me to believe you don’t flirt with women enough to recognize what it is…” I paused and my eyes went wide. “Oh god, you’re not…”
“Hell no. I love women, Keiris, only women.”
“Then I don’t get what you’re saying.”
He exhaled, pulling me closer and down onto his lap. I shifted until I was comfortable and he locked an arm around my waist like he was afraid I would run. That made me anxious about what he was going to say.
“I’ve had relationships or what I considered relationships. Ty calls them one-sided. The women were always more invested than me.”
“So you’re a sexonlyguy.”
“No, just not a relationship guy.”
“Why?”
“Because my mother left and I don’t know what to do with how her absence changed me.”
“Oh, when did you lose her?”
“When I was eight and she’s not dead. She’s alive and well but not with us.”
“But you said left?”
“Packed her shit and left. Ty was sick, a virus or something, hell I don’t know. He kept throwing up all over the house which meant she was stuck playing nurse and maid. She was so fucking pissed but she was always like that. Annoyed with us. I thought her behavior was normal. It’s the only way we ever knew her to be. The day she left, our dad was at work, so it was just me, her, and Ty at home. I should have been at school but she kept me home because she didn’t want to deal with Ty. He was always clingy though. Didn’t really like her like I did but he was also younger. I remember him saying he felt better and he wanted to tell her since she was pissed that he was sick. He ran out of our room into theirs. The minute he climbed on the bed to tell her he was good; he threw up all over the bed and her.”
I cringed at the icy delivery of his voice when he said that part and I whispered, “What did she do?”
“She packed her shit and left that same afternoon.”
“She left while you were home alone and your brother was sick?”
“Yeah, it was pretty fucked up. When I realized what she was doing, I ran outside and tried to take her bags out the car. She shoved me down. When that didn’t work, I threw myself at her, trying to get her to change her mind. Not really for me, but for Ty. He wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want him thinking she’d left because of him. But she left anyway and there wasn’t shit I could do about it. My dad never said why but he didn’t have to. She never was a mother to us. Even that young I could tell she didn’t want to be there, didn’t want us. Regardless, when she left we were all pretty fucked up behind it. My dad was the worst. He was cold after that. Ty and I weren’t allowed to talk about her which meant we never got to deal with how her leaving broke our family. Ty dealt with things by falling in love with every woman that smiled at him and I managed by…”
“Not dealing with women at all.”
“I had women in my life but I didn’t trust them withme, with my feelings.”
“It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust with your feelings.”
“Exactly, which is why they were mostly one-sided. I was there, did everything most men do in relationships, except be emotionally accessible, which means none of them lasted very long.”
My chest grew tight. “So you don’t do relationships? That’s what you want to tell me so I don’t confuse what this is.”
“I’ve tried in the past, it didn’t work. I’m thinking maybe this time it might,withyou.”
“With me?”
He nodded. “I don’t know how capable I am. My brother is forever telling me that I’m broken and he’s right. But since I met you, I feel a littlelessbroken. You feel right and you make me believe I can figure this shit out. That she didn’t ruin my chances of being happy…”
I kissed him and, God, it felt right. He felt right and as much as whatever this was scared me, I wanted it. I wanted him.
His lips were clouds and his tongue was paradise. I leaned into the kiss, losing myself in the feel and taste of him. His mouth was inviting and his kiss was like a preview of all the things I could expect. He wanted to explore, tease, and torture, and fuck, I would let him. When he backed away I huffed my disappointment but his voice grounded me again.
“I don’t want to fuck this up but I feel like I’m going to. I’ve also never wanted to make this work so maybe I won’t fuck it up.”
