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“Can we stop there for now? I don’t want to ruin this afternoon.”
He instantly shifts gears and moves to pin me on the bed, planting kisses across my collarbone and biting my shoulder. “So long as we can start something else...”
My body automatically responds to his, and all negative thoughts run back to the shadows in their respective corners.
I’m fully aware that their retreat is a temporary situation.
twenty-seven
Drowned in Emotion
Cooper
We spend the rest of the afternoon in bed, and after ordering in dinner, we walk around the neighborhood for a little while before she heads home. We’re quiet at first, just holding hands, fingers threaded together, taking in the night sky.
“You know, for the longest time, I thought stars were made up?” I say, looking at the bright moon that’s almost full, ducking in and out of clouds above us.
“Made up? Why is that?” she asks, turning her face up to the sky along with me.
“Vegas,” I shrug. “It’s hard to see anything with all the casino lights. My older brother, Tim, used to bullshit me with stories about how only kids who listened to their older brothers could see them. Or, people who wore blue on Tuesdays were the only ones. It was always something different. Sometimes I believed him, sometimes I didn’t. He was always difficult to read.”
“Are you two close?”
An ache for a relationship I never really had with my brother echoes through me.
“Nah. Not really.” I don’t try to laugh it off like usual, which strikes me as odd. “It’s hard to trust someone who tells you stars aren’t real, you know?”
She squeezes my arm, and it’s exactly what I needed in that second. That small gesture.
“That isn’t a great foundation for a relationship, no.”
“I mean, there’s other stuff, obviously,” I say. “When getting into trouble, I followed in his footsteps rather well. We were both pretty wild.”
“Were?” she raises her eyebrows in surprise. “You did not just say that in the past tense.”
I smile, but it’s weak. “I know, I know.”
Leaning her head on my shoulder, she says, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Okay, yes. I did. But you can’t blame me, can you?” She slaps my chest lightly with a laugh, and this time I join her. She’s right. I can’t.
“Alright. Fair enough. I deserve that.” I sigh. “But in my defense, I have been getting better. Haven’t I?”
“That’s TBD.” Her laugh chimes again, and I love the sound of it. Even if it’s at my expense, I will pay that price just to hear it.
Feelings I’m unsure what to do with are starting to run through me. I have never thought about somebody’s laugh like that. And I’ve certainly never considered talking about my relationship with my brother, or the complete lack of one, with anyone else. Especially someone I’m sleeping with.
This is different.
When Sloane leaves for home, I’m left to think about the day’s events. What started with a hangover and utter destruction of a cherished possession has ended with a high I didn’t know was possible.
When I met Sloane Castle, I knew my life would not be the same afterward. I just didn’t realize it was going to change me as a person so drastically. I was not prepared to have my whole existence turned on its head in a matter of weeks. It took me a lifetime to carve these personality traits, habits, idiosyncrasies, opinions, and perceptions of how the world works into myself. And it feels like it took her only a few heartbeats to show me how wrong I was.
My life, however, has shown me repeatedly that good things cannot be trusted. People don’t care about you as a person. They care about what you can do for them or what they can get out of you. I think Sloane and I have that belief in common. I don’t know if we can get past that and put faith in another person to treat us differently, genuinely care about our emotions and well-being, or trust. We are of like minds when it comes to trust. And I wonder if we can truly get over that.
* * *
