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“Bullshit? What part of anything I’ve said is bullshit?” I lean back and cross my arms over my chest, waiting for enlightenment.
“You got what you wanted eventually. You were a total fuck up, and now you’re famous.” He raises his head to stare me down, and I don’t flinch. All I can do is chuckle at how naive he is.
I remember when I had all the answers. Nobody could tell me anything because nobody understood. Everyone was my enemy. Little did I know then I was the worst enemy I’d ever face.
“I got one thing. You’re right. I did get fame. But do you know what it cost me? It cost me one of my best friends because I was too fucked up to see that maybe he needed help. It has cost me I don’t know how many years of true happiness because I spent that time self-medicating and covering up the shame for all the damage I’ve caused. And because of all that, until now, I haven’t been able to have a real relationship with anyone because I never believed I deserved to be loved.”
His eyes drop to the floor again, and I lean forward. He probably isn’t going to get any of this right now, but it’s amazingly cathartic for me to be talking to him right now. This might be doing me more good than it is him; who knows.
“Listen, Ethan. I’m not going to lecture you about anything because you’re not going to fucking listen anyway. That’s not what I’m here to do. I’m just letting you know you are not the first person to feel like you do.
“You’ve got fucking talent, man. I would hate for you to throw that away because you can’t handle your fucking shit. You’re lucky. You’re finding this shit out now. Take advantage of it. Take whatever help is offered to you because of this. Take it and fucking run. Trust me, it’s better to be a good person than good at anything else.”
I get up from my chair and leave the room without looking back. I can only hope some of my words got through to him. I could be wrong, and he’s got bigger problems than I can imagine. All I know is I tried to help. Whether I actually did is not up to me.
Sloane is waiting for me in her office and looks at me expectantly as I enter. “How did it go?”
I ignore the question and pull her to me, wrapping myself around her, burying my face in her hair, and inhaling her sweet floral scent. This feeling when I’m with her, this new familiarity, is something I crave now. I never thought another human being could make me feel this way, but Sloane Castle does nothing but surprise me.
thirty-eight
The Perfume of Decay
Sloane
The last week of the session is full of rehearsals for our end-of-term concert. Everything has settled down after the recent craziness, and having everyone focus on one common goal helps with forgetting what happened.
Cooper has talked the rest of Murderous Crows into performing an acoustic set, so tickets for the event sold out in record time. We almost considered changing the location of the venue, but the auditorium at the Foundation has always been where we’ve held these shows. Just because my famous rockstar boyfriend is performing doesn’t mean that will change. Murderous Crows don’t come to these rehearsals, though. They are still busy writing and recording their next album, and just having them in the lineup is good enough for me.
Penny has convinced me to perform her song with her, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I haven’t been on the stage in so long. I don’t know if I’m ready to take that step. Cooper is all kinds of supportive and encouraging, but fears aren’t always rational.
After the last rehearsal, Cooper takes me to dinner at a hidden-away restaurant near my house I never knew existed. This entire week has been so busy we’ve hardly had any time alone, so sitting across from him in the dark corner of a restaurant sounds a little bit like playing hooky.
As we wait to be seated, I can’t help but tease him. He’s behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist, so I back into him suggestively, making sure my ass rubs against him in precisely the right way to drive him crazy.
“Stop it,” Cooper chuckles, his voice low and husky in my ear.
“Stop what?” I laugh. I am the picture of innocence.
I do it again, this time adding a subtle breathy inhale as I press into him. It’s definitely working because I can feel his cock hard against my backside.
He tries to back away, but I hold him tighter to me.
“You know what,” he growls, but I can hear the lust in his tone. “Stop it.”
“I’m not doing anything.” My smile is wicked as I glance at him over my shoulder.
“Sloane--” he warns, but the host comes back to lead us to our table. On the way, Cooper gives me a quick smack on the ass, causing me to yelp.
The host gives me a concerned look as he seats us, which we both ignore.
It’s time for me to turn up the volume on this game.
Starting with intense eye contact, I’ve let my hair down and twirl a lock around my finger, letting the curls fall and slide across my shoulder. After the waiter takes our order, I suggestively trail a finger along my open collar into my cleavage while biting my bottom lip.
“What the fuck are you doing, Sloane?” He rumbles under his breath, a crooked smile curving his mouth.
I lean in and reach across the table, lightly tracing the tattoo on the inside of his forearm and into the center of his palm, making sure he’s got a prime view of my breasts. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What am I doing?” I say, my voice mostly air.
