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Everything clicks then. Of course, it was Ethan. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Cooper told me Ethan had a crush on me, but I wouldn’t believe it.
“Oh, Penny, honey. I am so sorry.” I hug her, and she starts sobbing uncontrollably into my shoulder. Glancing over to Cooper, I shake my head slightly, signaling him to keep away for now. I have a feeling she might be more embarrassed if he was here.
He nods, looks around deliberately, then points to the parking lot and mimics driving. I think he’s saying he’ll wait at the car, so I nod. At least, I hope that’s what he’s saying. It would make sense because he might be starting to get recognized and want to get somewhere safe. I hadn’t considered that possibility, so it makes sense.
Turning my attention back to Penny, she seems to be calming down a little, so I pull away and help her clean up her face. This poor girl has had her heart stomped on and ripped to shreds. Being used like that is so violating and leaves you feeling exposed and vulnerable. She must really be hurting.
“What tipped you off that Ethan was the one to do all of this?”
She clears her throat and straightens her shoulders, “He showed me a picture on his phone of Cooper’s ruined guitar. It wasn’t taken in your studio. It looked like it was taken in Cooper’s classroom. And the only time it was there was before he found it. It took me a little while to figure that out because I asked him about it, and he lied and said it was moved back there for pictures or some shit. It didn’t add up, but I wanted to believe him because I didn’t want to think he could do something like that.”
“And what about the e-mail?”
She starts wringing her hands nervously. “When Carl called and talked to me about it yesterday, I had to think about how that could have happened. The only thing I could think of was the times Ethan would use my phone, saying his was dead. I never thought to check what he did while using it. I was just happy we were hanging out, you know?” Her eyes brim with tears again, but she can hold them back. She’s being amazingly strong right now. I don’t know if I could keep my shit together like this.
“And I’ve been wondering about the coffee ever since they started appearing in front of my classroom. I thought it was Cooper. Never in a million years would I have thought it was Ethan who was leaving them.”
“You may want to be careful, Ms. Castle. After what he did to Cooper’s guitar, I’m afraid of what else he might do. That’s kind of why I ran away. There’s something definitely wrong with him, and when he finds out I’ve told you what he’s done...”
“Don’t you worry about that,” I say, pulling her back into a hug. She had started to shake again with fear, and my protective instincts kicked in. “We’ll figure this out, and if Ethan needs help, we’ll get help for him too.”
“I just thought he liked me...” The tears start again, and I squeeze her tighter.
I am familiar with betrayal. It doesn’t matter who does it. The effect is the same. The lack of trust Penny will now have in everyone is enormous. I can do nothing to fix that, but I can be here for her now. Something I didn’t have when I was betrayed.
“Cooper is waiting for us in the car. What do you say we go and get this all sorted out so we can put it behind us?” I lean down, pick up her backpack, and toss it over my shoulder. She hesitates but then walks with me back to the parking lot. “In the meantime, Cooper called Fiona to tell her you’re safe. There is quite a search party out looking for you right now. Your mom is worried about you.”
While the mystery is solved, the answers are just beginning.
thirty-seven
Lure and Persuade
Cooper
When we get back to the Foundation, Ethan is being held in one of the classrooms while waiting for one of his guardians, and after taking my statement, the police allow me a few minutes to talk with him. He now looks like a kid much younger than he really is. I don’t know how pain does that, but he seems to be shrinking within himself. I know everything he’s done comes from a place of pain.
I know this because I’ve been him.
Sitting across from him, he doesn’t look up but continues to stare at his shoes. I don’t expect him to meet my eyes. Because along with that pain is a shit ton of shame. That’s almost harder to get rid of.
“I’m going to say some things to you, and I don’t expect you to say a word back. But I do want you to listen.”
He doesn’t respond but keeps his eyes trained on the floor.
I take a deep breath and organize my thoughts, trying to figure out what I could possibly say to this kid to get through to him. I don’t know if I can, but I need to try.
“I get it, dude. There are things or people in your life you want, things you know deep inside you can never have, and your life is such shit the only thing you can do is try to prove fate wrong. It’s not even about the item or the person. It’s about the idea that you can’t have something, and that thought alone drives you crazy.
“So, instead of reaching for something you can have or someone within reach, you manipulate the world around you and the people in it to get what you want. Whether that’s using Penny and her feelings for you for your own benefit or fucking up my guitar and tearing the pictures of my band and family, those are the actions of someone taking what they want because what they’re asking for is not being heard by anyone.”
He shifts in his seat and starts wringing his hands. I must have touched on something, so I keep going.
“When I say I get it, Ethan, I mean it. I didn’t have the best family life either, and that’s putting it mildly. But I had better than some. There was a time when I thought I wasn’t being heard and lashed out. Thought I deserved so much more than I really did that I did a lot of sketchy shit to try to get it. I hurt people. I used people. I lied and did whatever it took to get what I wanted. But no matter what I was going for, I wasn’t any happier when I got it. In fact, I would feel shittier than I did beforehand.
“I’m not going to get into specifics. That’s between me and my future therapist. But all the shit you’ve seen about me on the internet? That’s a result of the shame that comes with all the other shit. You know that saying, ‘fuck around and find out?’ Well, you’re finishing up the fuck around stage and are about to hit the finding out.”
“Yeah, but you’re famous now, so this whole lecture is bullshit.” He is surprisingly stubborn about the right or wrong of his actions. Unbelievable.
