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And that’s when it really hitme.
Holyfuck. I was marryingMaggie.
Maggie was marryingme.
I stopped short as I felt that fuckingthingovertake me, gripping me so tight I could barely breathe—my heart jackhammering like it did in that final moment just before I stepped onstage… when I always had a brief, private attack of self-doubt, never quite knowing how I’d bereceived.
Would they love me, or would they turnaway?
I knew this was some screwed-up subconscious shit about my parents fucking off on me at such a young age. Also knew this was why, deep down, I wasn’t good enough for a girl like Maggie. And maybe I’d never be. Because there was something wrong with me. Somethingmissing.
Something gone, lost, that might never comeback.
I started to sweat, just like I did in that moment backstage, the roar of the crowd loud in myears.
How many times had I dreamedit?
Stepping out onto an empty stage, to find the venue empty, the sound of the crowd still thundering in my head and not a single person in the place. No one backstage, either. Even my band was gone. I was alone, but I could hear the concert rocking on the other side of some wall I could never getto.
The show had gone on withoutme.
Shit.
Justshit.
I splashed cold water on my face and just stood there leaning over the sink for a long, long minute, gripping the counter and letting the water dripdown.
Did Maggie loveme?
Wouldshe?
I had no idea. No. Fucking.Clue.
I looked at myself in the mirror, right into my own eyes, and maybe it was wrong but I knew I didn’t care. Didn’t care at all what her reasons were for marrying me. As long as shedid.
My eyelashes were wet, clumped together and dark, making my eyes look like ice. When I was a kid and I got over hating myself, I’d learned it was a good face. I’d never had a problem with women. Sometimes they had a problem withme…
Didn’tcare.
But Maggie? Maggie wasdifferent.
She’d always beendifferent.
Ever since I met that girl, other women had been nothing but placeholders. Since that night, so many years ago now, when I cornered her and told her what I wanted… and she shot me down for the first time of many. Yeah. Just bed warmers, in the place of the one girl I reallywanted.
And maybe I didn’t plan to propose to her tonight, but it sure as fuck wasn’t the first time I’d ever thought about making her mine. Far fucking from it. I just never figured out how to do it before—goddamn bane of myexistence.
I dried off and took a giant, belly-deepbreath.
Maggie.
Holy fuckingshit.
What happened when you got everything you’d ever wanted? The one thing that trulymattered?
Did shit like that actuallyhappen?
To someone likeme?
