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“Why would I want to give him any power or let him win or let him getlaid—just to try to upset our parents, by the way—if I don’t even like him?”
“It’s not about him. You need to get that out of your head.” Dani sipped her champagne and stared at me like that was crystal clear.
“Then what the hell is it about?”
“You, obviously.”
“Uh-huh. And him. Doing sex stuff.”
“Exactly. You need to stop waiting on your elusive unicorn to appear in a cloud of glitter and just get some D.”
I gasped. “How dareyoubring my unicorn into this!”
Dani rolled her eyes. “Yes. An invisible man who may or may not exist. Let’s wait around to fuck him while our pussy grows cobwebs.”
“Do not. Ridicule. The unicorn,” I warned her, because that shit was sacrosanct with me.
She knew this.
I mean, I was a girl who grew up without a father. My deadbeat dad and his general lack of giving any fucks about me had basically ensured that I’d created a happily-ever-after fantasy for myself about men from a young age. Because I needed it for my own mental well-being.
As a result, I’d devised a sacred ranking system for men.
Swamp trolls were at the bottom, obviously. In fact, that was a new, bottom feeder sub category I’d invented for Shane Madrigal himself. Above that were snakes and pigs. And it went all the way up to much nicer things like sexy wolfish strangers who prowled you at the bar, and up, and up… All the way to the top, where the glorious, rare as hell unicorn reined supreme: that majestic man that any girl, if she was so lucky, might stumble upon at some point in her life. And, you know, live the dream.
“Danica found her unicorn, and you know it,” I reminded her. “And then she foundanotherone. She gottwounicorns. So let’s not diss the perfect system.”
“The ‘perfect system’ that will have you living celibate and alone,” Dani said, “still dreaming of some nonexistent hero, while you pass up all your chances for pleasure and your neglected coochie dries up.”
“That is so sad,” I breathed.
“But true. Here’s the deal. Shane’s an MMA fighter, right? He’sstrong. Let him fuck that pussy until you see stars. Do it foryou.”
I looked helplessly at Danica. “I don’t know how she can detach like that. Like, just think of the sexual act in terms of the pleasure you get and not care about the rest. How do you do that?”
“I don’t,” Danica said.
“It would drive me crazy not knowing what he’s thinking.”
“Who cares what he’s thinking?” Dani said. “I told you, it’s not about him.”
“Of course it’s about him. He gets laid. He sees me naked and stuff. And that shit is forever, Dani. After that, he gets to see me naked anytime he wants… in his memory… until the end of time.” I swallowed. This was sounding way too familiar. “He gets to know how I looked and how I sounded, how I tasted and smelled and all the things, and he gets to lord it over me if he wants to…”Yup. Been there.
“Oh my god,” Dani said. “I just got it. You’re afraid youwillsee stars and it will be amazing, physically, and he’ll know you love it and you can’t stand that.”
“Uh, yeah!? Like who would want that?”
“You’re focusing on the wrong things.”
I blinked at Danica. “I don’t get her.”
“I know, sweetie. No one does.”
I took a breath, and a sip of my champagne. I wanted out of this conversation. And yet I was grotesquely intrigued by what Dani was saying. I didn’t like lying to my cousins or omitting the truth. But there was no way I was going to admit that I already fucked him. It was embarrassing enough confessing it to my best friend and making her swear to take it to her grave.
I wished Alyssa was here right now. I really needed her to help me out on this. Or maybe change the subject or something. But she was working this evening.
“I’m telling you,” Dani pressed on. “Let him pound that pussy. Make him go down on you first before he gets it. Tell him he has to make you come like five times before he gets to. Bleed him dry for everything you want before he gets his.”
