AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She shakes her head. “I think Mr Forest might be a little bit upset if he asked me to keep an eye on you and I made you scrub the shower.”
“Between the shower and daytime TV, I’ll take the shower.”
“Sounds good to me.” She smirks, looking a lot less lawyerly. “You clean the bathrooms, I’ll watchPointless.”
She’s joking, and I know she’s joking, and she knows I know she’s joking, but I can’t really back out now, or it’ll seem like I wasn’t really offering to help at all, which I was. I shift Gollum, who’s settling for sitting on me now Jonathan is temporarily unavailable, and then, very slowly, I ease myself off the sofa in the hopes she’ll tell me to stop.
She doesn’t tell me to stop. She sits down and hits play—on TV Richard Osman is asking the contestants to name a US state that doesn’t end with a vowel.
“Wisconsin,” Agnieszka says to the telly. The bloke on the screen says Hawaii either because he’s forgot how it’s spelled or he doesn’t remember what a vowel is, and Agnieszka winces on his behalf. “Ooh, classicPointlesserror.”
I’m about halfway across the room at this point and I keep walking slower and slower, so she has time to stop me before I have to find out where Jonathan Forest keeps his sponges.
She still doesn’t stop me.
The next contestant picks New York which is at least right but it’s high scoring which is bad because that’s sort of the name of the game. And I’m nearly at the door.
Then I’m out the door, and I can just hear anArkansasfrom behind me, and it’s not until my foot is on the stair that I hear “Are you actually going to go through with this?” coming after it.
Counting that as a win—if a completely unnecessary win—I come back. “Were you actually going to let me?”
“Well no, I’d get fired.”
That hits in a way she probably doesn’t mean it to. “I’m not a grass. And I really am happy to help.”
She gets up. “Seriously, there’s never much to do. It’s a big house, but I don’t think half of it gets used.” Wandering into the kitchen she sweeps up Jonathan’s plate of grapefruit and separates its component parts into composting and the sink as appropriate. “I’ve only met Mr Forest once but from what I can tell he gets up, eats one piece of fruit, comes home, and goes immediately to bed. It’s probably the easiest job I’ll ever have.”
“I suppose, but I’d feel like a bit of a lemon just sitting here watching yez.”
“You’ve got a concussion. It’s best to relax.”
I roll my eyes. “Not you too. Did Jonathan make you say that?”
“No, it’s my opinion as a medical professional.”
I laugh for just long enough to realise she’s not joking. “What do you mean a medical professional?”
“Fully qualified doctor. But then you lot had a referendum onshould Agnieszka and everybody like her fuck off back wherethey came from,and it came outyes,so after that I was a bit less inclined to work myself into an early grave for the NHS.”
“So you became a housekeeper instead?”
She shrugs. “It was only meant to be temporary, but I got lucky with Mr Forest, and I think I’m turning out to be more of a work-to-live person. Idosometimes worry that he’s a serial killer, but I figure I can quit if I ever have to clean up any limbs.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s not a serial killer.”
“How would you know?” she asks. “You’ve got amnesia.”
Somehow, I don’t think theoh yeah, I forgotjoke would go down well. Because fooling a man who doesn’t pay attention to anything except himself and doesn’t care about anything except sales figures is one thing. Fooling an ex-doctor who knows how concussions work might be a lot trickier. “He runs a bed and bath superstore,” I explain.
“He couldalsobe a serial killer.”
“I think I’d be able to tell if I was working for a serial killer.”
“Again, amnesia.”
This is getting far too amnesia-specific far too quickly. “I still think it’s the sort of thing you’d know. Like how you can still play the piano and that.”
She’s midway through wiping down the kitchen surfaces now and she’s right, it’s not a big job because they never get used—I’m almost feeling guilty about wanting to cook on them later. “And can you?”
