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“My dad used to say that.Shit happens, son...” I let out a sad laugh. “I joined the Army because of him. I wanted to be like him and—”
“And are you like him?” Jed asked, cutting me off.
“I don’t know. I was just a kid when he died.”
“I remember you talking about him at the last group meeting. He was near perfect as far as you were concerned, wasn’t he?” he asked casually as he bounced a giggling baby Calla on his knee and made funny faces at her. “Pretty tough thing to live up to, if you ask me.”
Lily took hold of my hand above her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
“You’re pretty sneaky, old man.” Luke chuckled as he approached us from his truck. I’d been so lost in thought I hadn’t heard him drive up. “Dropping truth bombs, making him connect the dots like that. You’re a perfectionist, Liam. You’re too hard on yourself, man, and it’s time to let that shit go.”
“How?”
“Grace,” Lily answered, as if giving myself grace was that simple. “We love you. Let us.” Her mouth curved with tenderness, and I had to look away, it was too much.
“I do—”
“You belong in this family, Liam,” she insisted. “I keep saying it, but I know that inside you brush my words away. You are one of us, and that means you are allowed to make mistakes and we will forgive you. You’re allowed to be afraid, to be vulnerable, to have doubts, and we will still love and accept you. I don’t think you get that.”
I shook my head because no, I did not. I also couldn’t seem to allow myself to let what she said sink in, and I couldn’t find the words to explain to her, or even myself, why that was.
“Well, quit being so stubborn and quit being so damn grateful and you will. You have no need for gratitude, Liam. We love you. Yes, I’mgratefulI have a big, loving family, but I belong to them, and they belong to me, and we don’t owe each other anything except love. Like, I’m grateful to God or the universe or whatever it was that put them into my life. But I’m not grateful tothembecause they’re just as lucky to have me. Don’t you see?Weare lucky to haveyou. Promise me you’ll think about what I said. Please.”
“I promise.” My voice sounded like it had come from somewhere outside of my body as my stomach clenched tight with an intense mixture of hope and fear.
“He promised,” Luke said with a grin as he smacked a hand on my upper back. “That means it’s as good as done. The perfectionist in him won’t allow him to drop this until he knows exactly what he means to all of us. Right, Liam?”
I huffed a laugh, thankful to him for breaking the mood and pulling me out of the spiral of emotions I was about to drown in. “You’re a smartass.”
“Well, I’m emotional,” Lily announced as she fanned a hand in front of her face. “And I’m starving and pregnant and I’m gonna burst if I don’t get to the bathroom real fast. I need food and Kleenex and I should probably carry a Port-a-Potty around with me.Gah!Someone help me off this dang swing and let’s go eat.”
“On it.” Luke gently swept her into his arms.
“That’s why I came out here,” Jed told her. “Breakfast is done, honey. I made everything you wanted, too.”
“Biscuits and gravy?” she shouted over Luke’s shoulder.
“Yup.”
“Grits with grape jelly and bacon? And don’t you dare laugh at me Lucas McCabe, I know it’s weird.”
I heard him tell her softly, “I would never laugh at you, baby.”
“You’re carrying my great-grandbabies, darlin’,” Jed shouted. “That means you get anything you want and it’s all at the table waiting on you.”
“I love you, Jed!”
“You too, sweetheart.” He turned to me, studying my face with his sharp-eyed gaze. “It’s starting to sink in now, isn’t it? You belong here, Liam. You’re one of us.”
“Maybe a little bit,” I admitted.
“Well, let it in all the way, son. She’s not gonna stop getting after you until you accept it. You know that, right?”
“I know it.”
He nodded. “Then let’s go eat. There’s a whole lotta food that doesn’t go together in there waiting for us.”
“Unka Leem,” Calla reached for me when Jed stood.
