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“I’ll have the same, please.”
Before I could pull out my wallet, Andrew had already handed the cashier a ten. He generously deposited all of his change in the tip container.
“There’s a patio out this door with tables and heat lamps. It might be better for us to sit out there because it’s kind of loud in here.”
“That sounds perfect. Come here often?” I asked.
“A couple times a week,” he said. He quickly stepped forward to collect our coffee cups.
“Thank you,” I said and took the cup from his hand.
Outside, we found a table away from most of the patrons and took a seat. We turned our chairs to face the shops and people walking on the other side of the patio’s iron fence. We sat quietly and people watched for a bit. I glanced at Andrew and could tell by the way he leaned forward over his knees that a lot was on his mind. His eyes moved from side to side as they latched on to people or objects randomly. Heavy mind. While he seemed content with sitting quietly, I wanted to at least talk to him about this evening.
“Earlier you mentioned that you seek out impact sessions because they do something for you. May I ask what benefit it is that you receive?” I paused to give him a moment to indicate that I had the green light to proceed or tell me he didn’t want to talk about this.
Andrew nodded, set his coffee cup on the table, and leaned back in his seat.
“I get this really good feeling after I’ve had one of those sessions.” He ran his hand through his hair and then turned his chair to face the table. “It gives me a sense of relief. I don’t know why, really. It just takes some of the stress away.” He brought the coffee cup to his lips and took a quick sip before pulling it away. “I guess…” He ran his hand through his hair again and looked me in the eye for a fleeting moment. “I don’t really know how to explain it, I guess.”
“You did just fine. You explained that you feel good afterward and that it’s a stress reliever. Let me ask, do you have a lot of stress in your life?”
Andrew brought his eyes up from his paper coffee cup and held my gaze. It could have been the angle of his face, but his eyes appeared to be glassy. Andrew had a traumatic evening, so it would have been easy for me to pass his demeanor off as still reacting to the events at the party. But I felt that this young man was in desperate need of a friend. His response to my question was a nod before he looked down.
“Today is the two-year anniversary of my mother’s death,” he said, shoulders sagging.
“Andrew, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“This week is the two-year anniversary of the deaths of my two brothers too.”
Shit.
“I’m sorry. Losing someone is very difficult. I imagine losing three loved ones in such a short time is beyond difficult.”
“It’s been really hard. We were triplets. I’m the youngest. Allen, the middle one, died in a car accident. A few days later, Adam, the oldest, hung himself in the garage.” Andrew took a deep breath. “Then a few days after that, my mom overdosed on pain pills. My dad found her in the bathtub.”
My throat had gone dry. So much loss in such a short amount of time.
“My dad drinks a lot. Since their deaths, this time of year is almost unbearable for us. For me. I found that by feeling some physical pain, I end up feeling better afterward. It helps me get some stuff out, I guess.” Andrew huffed out a laugh and shook his head. With red eyes and a red nose, he took a deep breath and sniffled. “Does that even make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense.”
“It does?”
“You get a cathartic release from it.”
Andrew sat up straight and kept his eyes on me.
“You understand?”
“I do.” I put my forearms on the table and leaned forward. “Do you convey this to the Tops you negotiate sessions with?”
“I just tell them I want to be hit. I never really knew how to explain it exactly, and I figure that even if I get some relief, it’s better than nothing.”
“I get that. I do. But you’ve got to be honest with them. Without honesty—without fully understanding your own needs—you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Disappointment that could potentially be dangerous.”
Andrew nodded.
“I just kind of thought, if I could get into one of the good clubs, the Tops would be more experienced at impact sessions and then I’d feel good.”
