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“What Ididto Veronica, will bear no resemblance to what I do toyou.”
“You can watch anyone,Lauren.”
“I need to see it from him. Please don’t ask me to explain it; it’s just important to me to know how he does it. I know it doesn’t make sense,but…”
Mackenzie leaned back on his stool. “I said I’d give you any experience you desired, but this one I need to think about. How you see me with others, Lauren, isn’t how I am withyou.”
“I understand that, and I would expect you to be different. This is all so new to me. I just ask you to think about it, and if it’s a no, then fine.” I smiled to let him know that if it was no, it really wasfine.
He sighed as he picked up his coffee. Once again it felt surreal to be having that conversation in a beautifulenvironment.
“Thank you for showing me around. Obviously, I’ve never been somewhere like this before. I meant what I said, it’s a beautiful place, I’m so glad you were able to keep it,” Isaid.
“So am I. Now I have work to do, hopefully I’ll see you again on Friday,” she said. She smiled at Mackenzie andleft.
He turned to me, pulling my stool closer so my legs were between his thighs. He ran his fingers down one cheek, across my jaw until his thumb brushed over mylips.
“I wish you’d…” hesaid.
“You wishwhat?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“You wish I hadn’t askedthat?”
“No, I wasn’t going to say that. Please, leaveit.”
There was a hint of sadness in his voice. I wondered what I’d done to cause that, if I’d done anything atall.
“I promised you dinner and I’m kind of hungry right now,” hesaid.
His smile had my heart missing a beat. There was no point in chanting myI will not fall for himmantra because I had, so it was irrelevant. I decided on a new one.Don’t break my heart, Ithought.
He slid from the stool and held out his hand. His grip was firmer than usual, and we walked out the house and to his car. We drove back to London in nearsilence.
* * *
Ilearned moreabout Mackenzie over dinner than I had in the whole month I’d been in his company. He told me tales from his childhood, but all the time he spoke he never mentioned his mother, or the accident he’d been involved in. It was over coffee that I decided toask.
“You don’t mention your mother,” Isaid.
He didn’t reply immediately. “My mother died, a long timeago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Isaid.
“It’s okay, she was a wonderful woman. Supported my father in whatever he wanted to do. She got cancer. All I can say is we were thankful it took her quickly. She smiled and laughed right up to the last minute. I was with her when shedied.”
“How old wereyou?”
“Seventeen.”
“So youngstill.”
“It is what it is, it fucked me up for a long time after. I drank too much, got high on a regular basis and... Anyway, you don’t want to hear about that so, now, your turn. Tell me about your family,” he said, I guessed to stop me asking more. I wondered if thedrunk too much, got highhad anything to do with the vehicle accident I’d readabout.
I told him about my mum, my brother. I’d never known my father, he’d skipped town when I was a baby. I explained that was probably why I was so hung up on having a stable relationship with a man; I didn’t want what my mum had for so manyyears.
“And now? Are you looking for a relationship?” Again there was that rigidity in his body as he waited for myreply.
