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“I expected embarrassment, I expected guilt, I didn’t expect you to run and then ignoreme.”
“So if youexpectedthose things, why doit?”
“Because I could have helped you through that. I could have shown you there was nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing to feel guiltyfor.”
He shuffled his stool closer, until his knees touched mine. I bowed myhead.
“How did youfeel?”
“Aroused, beyond anything I’ve felt before,” I saidquietly.
“More.”
“Alive.”
“More, Lauren,” hewhispered.
“My skin felt on fire, my heart beat so fast. It was exciting, like a rollercoaster, scary but exhilarating at the sametime.”
“Do you feel aroused now, thinking about it? And don’t lie to me, I can smellyou.”
I swallowed hard. “Yes.”
“Would you do itagain?”
Finally, I looked at him. “Yes.”
“Then tell me, what is wrong withthat?”
“Nothing,” Iwhispered.
He stood from his stool and positioned himself between my thighs. He held my head in his hands and he kissed me. He kissed me so fiercely he stole my breath and scrambled mymind.
When he broke away, I gasped forair.
“You do not run from me, Lauren, ever. I will not chase you,” he said, as he rested his forehead against mine. It was all I could do tonod.
“Are you hungry?” heasked.
“No.”
“Then I need to sleep a little. I haven’t slept much since Saturdaynight.”
I slid from my stool and picked up my bag. “I’ll get a taxi home,” Isaid.
“No, you won’t, you’ll sleep withme.”
He took my hand and led me from the room. We walked back to the hallway and up the stairs to his bedroom. He had a large bed, and it was clear from the crumpled bedding, he’d been sleeping on top. He pulled off his shirt but left his jeans on. I kicked off my shoes and waited. He climbed onto his bed and patted the space beside him. As I joined him, he wrapped me in hisarms.
“Don’t ever fucking run from me again,” hewhispered.
* * *
Ididn’t sleepas such, just dozed. It felt good to be wrapped in his arms, to have my head nestled in the crook of his neck. I could feel his heartbeat under the hand I’d placed on his chest. It beat at a far steadier rhythm than mine. I didn’t want my mind to go where it clearly was. For a moment we felt like acouple.
I had no idea what we had, and I wasn’t sure I wanted a relationship, certainly not until I’d sorted out the issues with Scott. Having a fuck buddy just wasn’t in my makeup either. In one way, I envied the women that could just have sex and not attach emotion to it. Or maybe, like me, they were trying to convince themselves theycould.
Didn’t all women want to be taken out to dinner? Hold hands with someone? To just sleep, curled up against a warmbody?
