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I will not fall for him,I remindedmyself.
I was under no illusion it would hurt. I was also confident I could handle it. I kept an image of the pleasure on the woman’s face in my head, as I textedback.
Okay, maybe not full-blown BDSM, but what I saw is what I want. Not the men, the flogger andcross.
That time he didn’t reply and I smiled. The game wason.
* * *
My stomach grumbled,reminding me I hadn’t eaten yet. I decided to take a walk to the local deli and stock up the fridge. I grabbed my keys and debit card then headed out. It was a sunny afternoon and the usual tourist activity was in flow on the riverbank. I smiled as I walked and it surprised me to receive smiles in return. If only those people knew what I was thinking about. I laughed outloud.
The deli was a place where I could spend hours. Although small, it housed an array of foods, wine, coffees, and artisan products. It also reminded me that I’d never collected my coffee from Mackenzie. I purchased more. When my basket was full and I’d paid, I took a slow stroll back to theapartment.
I opened the French doors onto the small balcony and allowed the breeze to waft through. I prepared something to eat and took that, and my Kindle,outside.
I tried to read but thoughts of the club ran through my mind. More importantly, thoughts of what Mackenzie had done at the club. I wanted to ask him. He’d said if he thought I could handle the answers he’d tell me. CouldI?
What could he tell me that I wouldn’t want to hear? He’d fucked other women? That I could handle. He’d been the one holding the flogger? My stomach tightened at that thought. Threesomes? We’d sort of already donethat.
At the thought of the woman, my stomach tightenedfurther.
As the sun started to lower, a chill crept over me. I took my plate and Kindle back inside. Once I’d poured myself a glass of wine, I settled on the sofa to watch some crap Saturday night TV. Like the Kindle, not much kept my interest for more than a few minutes. I flicked from channel to channel, watching a few minutes before becomingbored.
I grabbed my laptop and brought up a search engine. I typed in ‘sex clubs.’ I decided I’d like to find out what else was on offer at Mackenzie’s members only manor house. I found plenty of sex clubs, some which had me howling with laughter, others that had me want to wash my eyes with bleach. I found nothing on the one inSurrey.
What I did see among the listings were sites advertising sextoys.
I’d never used one, I’d pretended of course. On the very rare occasion I’d had a girls’ night out and B.O.B was the topic of conversation, you’d think I ownedAnn Summers. I scanned through one site, fascinated by some of the objects onsale.
I choked as I came across a glow in the dark clone-a-willy, a vibrator moulding kit. For an extra few pounds I could add a lovely drawstring bag to carry it around it. I passed on the pussy pump but paused over a mini G-spotvibrator.
I rose to collect the debit card I’d left on the kitchen counter and placed the item in my virtualbasket.
After my second glass of wine, I found myself debating between a six-inch dildo and an eight-inch. It wasn’t like I’d ever measured myself inside before. I opted to play safe and placed a six-inch Rabbit in my virtualbasket.
I added lube, not that I generally needed that with Mackenzie, and vibrating bullet eggs. As I was about to head to the checkout, I spotted something that had me wide-eyed: a clitoral and G-spot stimulator controlled by a smart phone. I deleted the mini G-spot and added the We-Vibe instead. I checkedout.
By the time I’d gotten halfway through the third glass of wine, I was crying with laughter.A smart phone controlled vibrator!I was so in the dark where all things sex wasconcerned.
I closed the laptop, and as it’s glow was extinguished, I realised I hadn’t turned on the apartment lights. The TV flickered creating some light; I muted it and justsat.
In that moment, with thoughts running through my head that I didn’t want and too much wine in my system, I felt lonelier than I everhad.
I was doing things I’d never considered before. I felt alive only when I was doing them, but I couldn’t determine if that was because it was Mackenzie I was with ornot.
The thought of not being with him, or not exploring my sexual side, horrified me. But I pushed that niggle, that had started to gain a louder voice, from mymind.
What I was doing wasn’t healthy for my mind. What was I getting addicted to? Mackenzie or the experiences? And what happened when it all came to ahalt?
In the past month, I’d had sex with a woman. Mackenzie had fucked me to the point of passing out, and I’d been overly aroused, if there was such a thing, by watching two mentogether.
I wasn’t sure where I could go fromthere.
14
IguessedI’d been crying during the night, although I didn’t remember, it was only because my pillow was damp and my eyes puffy again. I glanced at my watch to see it was past nine o’clock. Even though it was a Sunday, and I had no reason to get up early, it was still later than I’d normallyrise.
My body ached, perhaps it was Friday night catching up on me; maybe it was because I felt wrung out. I cringed when I remembered I’d drank too much, chuckled at the thought of my online purchases and was thankful that when I moved, my head wasn’tspinning.
