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I’d explained to Bowie more than once how this was going to be a process. The birth certificate situation was currently being handled. Kye’s name was being put on it as the father, and Jagger’s last name was being changed to Levine. But he hadn’t talked about the next step. Lately, the way I’d caught him looking at Jagger made me wonder if he was changing his mind. The idea of not having to give Jagger away made my heart soar until I remembered that Kye was not in a situation to be a parent. This little bubble we were living in wasn’t forever. We weren’t a family. I’d admit, I felt like one at times. Or at least, I wanted it. I felt guilty every time I thought of Bowie. I shouldn’t be wanting this with someone else.
“We aren’t playing house. And, yes, Kye is working on the custody thing right now so that he can legally find parents for Jagger.”
I wasn’t going to say that Jagger wasn’t mine. Not when his little eyes were locked on me. Maybe he wouldn’t understand what I was saying, but it didn’t matter. I would know what I was saying. I didn’t want him to hear negative things. It wasn’t good for his brain and emotional development.
Bowie sighed heavily. “This is harder than I thought it would be, and that’s saying a lot because I thought it would be hard. I just …” He paused, then walked over to stand near the window. He ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.
I wished I could fix it for him. Make this easier for him to understand, but I didn’t seem to be doing that the right way.
“I need to be first. You think that’s me asking you to choose, but it’s not. If we are going to get married, then I need to know you love me and put me first. That you want to put me first. That it’s not even something you have to think about. And right now … I don’t know if that’s the case.”
My eyes burned, and I turned so that Jagger wouldn’t see me upset. “This isn’t about my putting you first,” I said in a calm voice. “It’s me helping my best friend.”
“Putting him first,” Bowie shouted.
“Bowie, please,” I begged, not wanting Jagger to hear us fighting. “I told you this was going to take time. It’s just been two weeks.”
“Seventeen days,” he corrected me.
“Stay here a few days. Stop glaring at Jagger like he did something wrong.”
“No. I’m not doing that. I’ve already accepted that you are sleeping in the same fucking house as Kye. You pushed our wedding off to help Kye. He has plenty of women in his life who can help him. Why not one of his regular fuck buddies? There are women all over the damn county who would happily do what you’re doing.”
The thought of some woman I didn’t know taking care of Jagger made me cringe. I couldn’t stand the thought of handing him over and just walking away. I didn’t know those women that Kye spent time with, and I didn’t trust them. Jagger’s mother had been one of them, and look what she’d done to him.
“Because I am his best friend. He doesn’t trust the others, and neither do I.” And I love Jagger.
Bowie was silent. I glanced back at Jagger, who was now watching the ceiling fan while kicking his legs excitedly.
“I can’t,” Bowie said. “This is asking too much of me. I deserve better than this. I love you, Genesis, but I can’t love for the both of us. Until you figure out what is more important to you, then I think we need to call off the wedding. Put a halt on us. Unless you can tell me that you will walk away and let Kye find someone else to help him. Like his mother. He trusts her. I don’t get why she isn’t here, doing this. Chloe has always catered to Kye. This seems like something she’d want to be involved in. I bet she could keep Jagger by herself. Kye could go back to his Mafia life.”
I wiped at the tear that rolled down my face. “He’s not going to do that to her. She’ll get attached to Jagger. He doesn’t want her to get hurt,” I said softly. “You want to call off the wedding?” My voice cracked, repeating his words.
“Yes, I do. When I say I do, I want to know the woman I am saying it to puts me first in her life.”
Why was he doing this?
“I love you,” I replied as another tear escaped.
And I did love him. I knew he’d be a good husband. He’d give me the comfort of a home, children, security. He was exactly what a woman should want in a man. But Jagger … and Kye were first. I didn’t love Bowie enough to walk away from them.
