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I let out a hard laugh and wiped at my face with my free hand. “I think you might be wrong about that, Mom.”
Kye didn’t love me that big. If he did, then he would only want me.
She gave me a knowing smile. “I’m not. I’m seeing it from the outside. I can see all of it. Unlike the two of you, who are circling this flame that’s just getting hotter, the more you pretend it isn’t there.”
She patted my hand. “Here’s the thing, honey. That boy doesn’t think he can be with one woman for the rest of his life. Oh, he knows he loves you. That isn’t something he can ignore. He loves you so much that he is terrified that he will hurt you with his inability to be with just you. That’s the only reason Bowie ever stood a chance. Had Kye trusted himself to be faithful to only you, Bowie would have never been an issue.”
I shrugged. “What do I do with that, Mom? It’s not like I can change him.”
She leaned closer to me. “That’s where you are wrong. You are the only one who can change him.”
“How?” I asked, not thinking she had this answer but desperate for some hope.
“Let yourself be honest with him. Give him all the love you have for him. Let it free. Let him see it. Let him feel it. Show him. Take all he gives you and let that flame explode into something that he can’t live without. Once he’s had that, he’ll never want another.”
I stared at my mother, wishing every word she had just said was possible. “I don’t know, Mom. What if I do that and I lose him in the end? That would break me in a way I don’t think I could recover from.”
She kissed my head. “That’s why I said it was a gamble.”
Twenty-Five
Genesis
Kye was sitting on the sofa with a glass of whiskey resting on his knee in silence. His eyes lifted to watch me as I walked inside the house. I went over to sit beside him. “Did you put Jagger to bed?” I asked.
“I bathed him, gave him his bottle, and rocked him to sleep,” he replied with a crooked grin. He was proud of himself.
He put his arm around me and pulled me close, then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll do whatever you want me to with Jag, Baby Doll. I should have talked to you about moving. I’m sorry. If you want us to stay here, then we’ll stay. I handled things wrong,” he told me. “And this morning, I crossed a line. I won’t do that anymore. I’ll be good, I swear.”
There he went, putting up a line again. Trying to keep us from that flame Mom had warned me about. She was right about one thing; I did control the cards here. It was just the outcome of it I couldn’t be promised. The gamble.
I tilted my head back and looked up at him. For the rest of my life, I was going to love this man. No one else would even hold a close second. If we did this until Kye needed other women, then we would end it. I wouldn’t be able to lose him then either. I’d forgive him. I would be completely shattered, but I would still have his friendship, and I’d still get to be in Jagger’s life. Kye would never shut me out. It was me who would pull away due to being hurt, and I knew I could never do it. I’d need him in whatever capacity I could have him.
Why not know what it felt like? Know Kye in every way. Then, while I pined for what I no longer had, at least I wouldn’t be pining for something I’d never experienced.
“I want all of it,” I said finally.
He tensed, and he moved the glass on his knee to the table beside him without looking away from me. “I’m gonna need you to elaborate on that sentence, Baby Doll.”
Here it goes …
“I want you to fuck me on every piece of furniture in this house. The wall. Maybe even the shower—”
Kye moved then and grabbed my arm, his eyes narrowing as he studied my face. “You can’t say fuck, Baby Doll,” he said tightly.
“Why? You brought it up. And I want it.”
He swallowed hard. “What’s the catch?” His words were tense.
“There is no catch. You fuck me until you’re bored with me, and then we can go back to being platonic. I only ask that while we are fucking, you keep it exclusive. Just me.”
Kye rubbed the back of his neck. “You think we can do that? You can do that? Stay friends once the sex has run its course?”
I nodded. “Yes. And Jagger is your insurance policy,” I told him. “Even if I was angry or hurt, I’d never shut you out. Because of him.”
