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My chest felt as if it would explode from how hard my heart pounded. “That’s not fair, Lindsay.”
“Maybe it’s not, but is it really fair that you won’t give him another try?”
“I gave that man more tries than I should’ve ever given him.”
She nodded in agreement. “Yes, you did. I know this well. I know my son, Yara. I know how hard he can be. He’s like his father. Hard and complicated. But I know he’d never physically hurt you. Doesn’t that count for something?”
My eyes narrowed. “That shouldn’t be the reason I stayed, Lindsay, because he didn’t hurt me physically. He hurt me in every other possible way.” Lindsay stared at me as if I were insane. I knew exactly why, too. Because she was right about her husband—he was just like Cole. Cold. Distant. Mean. Yet unlike me, Lindsay stayed.
I’d heard her cry to me over the years about how hard things were at home. I’d watched her suffer at the hands of a man who didn’t love her right. I’d witnessed her light begin to diminish after he crushed her spirit time and time again. She became a shell of the vibrant woman she’d once been.
She didn’t know it, but she was one of the true reasons why I found the courage to walk away. When I saw Cole growing more and more like his father, I took that as a warning sign. I saw the warning that was right before me. I didn’t want to become like Lindsay Parker. I didn’t want my next thirty years to become like hers. I didn’t want to fall so deeply into the belief that a man was good for you as long as he didn’t strike you.
No.
I wanted love.
I wanted warmth.
I wanted not to walk on eggshells when I came home because I didn’t know which version of my husband would come through the front door that night.
I wanted to be free from the chains that had somehow slipped around my ankles without me knowing it. I wanted to breathe again.
Still, to this day, Cole tried to suffocate me. Even speaking to Lindsay felt like a pillow over my mouth, ordering me to return to the places that once shattered me.
“He’s in therapy,” she told me. “He’s working on himself, Yara.”
“That’s good, Lindsay. I’m glad.”
“Do you think there’s ever a chance—”
“No.” I shook my head. “There’s not. I closed that chapter of my life.”
Her small, fatigued body trembled slightly. “Yes, I understand. You closed not only his door, but mine, too. And here I am taking care of Cocoa for you every few days because that’s what family does. We help each other.”
I arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean you’re taking care of Cocoa? Cole is responsible for her, not you.”
“You know he’d forget to feed her and walk her with his schedule. So he drops her to me every time. I don’t mind. It’s my job to take care of him and that involves Cocoa.”
“No,” I stated, shaking my head. “That’s not your job. And I’d rather Cocoa stay with me all the time than with you. The whole point of the dog swap was because I thought Cole missed her.”
“Don’t try to take this from me, too, Yara,” Lindsay warned. “That dog is the closest thing I have to a grandbaby since you seemed too busy to give me one of those.”
More guilt. Piles and piles of heaviness that weren’t mine to carry.
I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t say something cruel even though many words shot through my brain.
Lindsay shifted her bags in her arms and stood taller. “I hope you can live with the choices you made, Yara. I hope you can face the fact that you didn’t only break my son’s heart but you shattered mine, too.”
That guilt punch landed straight against my heart and bruised my soul. I wondered how many people carried bruises to their soul that were never theirs to withstand?
It felt unfair that I was supposed to feel guilty for the sins of another’s actions. It wasn’t right that I was left gasping for air when Cole was the one who almost completely choked the life from my lungs.
“You and Alex Ramírez?” Cole asked as we stood in the dog park to exchange Cocoa the evening after Alex and I soft-launched our relationship. After Cole’s mother left me feeling like complete crap. “Are you kidding me, Yara?”
“We shouldn’t talk about this, Cole,” I replied, secretly happy that he’d found out. I wanted him to realize that I was moving on, so he’d finally back off. I needed him to know that we would not get back together. After my exchange with Lindsay, I knew it was extremely important for it to be clear that the chapter of my life with the Parkers was over. A part of me even wanted to fight with him about Cocoa, but I knew his outburst was more than I wanted to deal with after a somewhat heavy afternoon.
