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I didn’t need to see Charlie to know what he did next, because, even in my hazy state of mind, I heard him punch the hotel manager and him fall to the floor, probably out cold.
Charlie was arrested for assault and, given that we no longer had a manager or any PR people, we had to call our record label to send someone to help us. And as a result, that night left scars on more people than just me.
Everyone healed eventually. The scars on my body mostly faded, but the ones on my heart… the ones that stopped me trusting or opening up about how I felt or what I wanted… well, I wasn’t sure they would ever heal.
Chapter 1
Ionee
“Andthisisthelast one. Please be careful,” I urged the removal man as he and his partner lifted the sculpture from the bench, carrying it from my studio.
A loud squeal rang out beside me. “Can you believe that’s it? Two years of hard work and you’re about to have your first show. I’m so proud of you, Nee. It’s all so beautiful.” Lea, my best friend since we were eight, twirled in the freed up space of my studio.
“Not exactly mainstream though, is it? I’m not sure anyone will want my art in their home,” I teased, but it was my biggest fear. I made art that I loved and was passionate about, but I knew, from some people’s reactions over the last few years, that it wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
“Girl, it’s stunning, and the right people will find it. Trust me, I know this is the best stuff you’ve ever created.” She gazed around. “It’s so weird. All this space. What are you going to create next?”
I shook my head. “Spoken like a businesswoman and not an artist. I have to wait for the muse to hit.”
“Or you need to go research some new kinks to turn into art.”
“Or that,” I laughed, threading my arm through hers. “But before I do that, how about we go eat and drink some cocktails because I have a show at a fancy gallery, don’t you know?”
She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I always knew you were meant for greatness, Ionee Miller.”
“I love how much belief you have in me.”
“It’s easy when you’re as talented as you are.”
An hour later, we were on our third pornstar martini, sharing a mixed sushi platter in the bar down the road from my studio.
“So,” Lea started, and I raised my eyebrows, waiting for whatever was coming next. “Now you’ve created some space in the studio, how about making some space to try dating? I think—”
“Nope.”
“Nee, it’s been forever. Not all men are self-obsessed pricks.”
“Well, all the ones I attract are.”
“But—”
“No. Have you forgotten about the one who cheated on me and sent me pictures just to rub it in? Or the one who turned up at my studio drunk to tell me how shit my art was? What about the one who called me someone else's name during sex? Or the one who could only fuck me from behind me because I didn’t look enough like his ex? Never mind the ones that tell me I’m too loud, too bossy, too demanding, or I want to fuck too much. Sex is disappointing at best and hurtful… in all the wrong ways… at worst. And relationships are just an excuse for someone to trick me into liking them, then turn into a monster and gaslight me into thinking it was my fault.” I let out a sigh as I looked at my friend. “I can’t do it again. I’m going to focus on selling some of my art and catching up on all the boxsets I’ve not been able to concentrate on while I’ve been stuck in creative mode.”
Grabbing my hand she spoke, “Promise me you won’t shut yourself off. There are good ones out there. I’m sure there are.”
“You hate dating and relationships. Why are you so hell-bent on me meeting someone, especially when I’m a magnet for dickheads?”
Lea took a long drink of her cocktail. “I don’t want to settle down, but you, Nee, were made to be loved.”
I rolled my eyes, popping a California roll in my mouth as she continued. “I think you need to change the way you think about things. If you believe the world is full of dickheads, then you’ll find more of them. Your thoughts become magnets.”
“Oh, babe, not this crap again. How are you a successful businesswoman with employees and bills to pay when you believe all this woo woo nonsense?”
“I am a successful businesswoman at twenty-sixbecauseI believe in this woo woo nonsense.”
“Hhhhhmmmmm.”
“Look, do me a favor. Just this once. Put an order out into the universe. Wish for what you really want in a man, Nee, but most of all, believe that you deserve to find him. Put it out there and spend five minutes every morning reminding yourself why you’re worthy of the love you want. Come on, what would be on your wish list?”
