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“You’re doing the job. You’ve been doing it for months. You’re doing amazingly. Your diagnosis doesn’t affect your abilities. What do you need, Dawson? Tell me.”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. She didn’t speak, letting me fill the silence that surrounded us with my words. “I want to tell them the truth. About my autism, about having slept with Fox before, about my feelings for them both, but…” I didn’t know how to say what I really felt.
“But?” she encouraged me.
“But I’m scared they’ll run. I think I’d rather have half of them than none of them. Maybe that’s the best I can expect.”
“Oh, Dawson, let me make this really clear. You deserve the world. Do you hear me?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “It’s so hard to navigate. I just wish I knew if they felt the same about me… that I could be sure I’m not going to make a fool of myself, or worse, that they won’t leave me because they hate the idea of being with me long term.” Chewing down on my lip, I hated how unsure I felt. “Maybe what I need is a way that they’d be stuck with me forever, no matter what I told them.”
She laughed. “Well, the universe is a magical thing, so maybe you need to put that wish out there.”
This time I let out a soft laugh, too.
“There he is. Dawson, your autism is a part of you are, so by not telling people you’re hiding who you really are. Take it from someone who pretended to be someone she wasn’t for years. It’s exhausting and the people who care about you can see through it. Look at Mav and me. I want you to be happy and if you tell me you want to quit and it’s honestly what you want, I would let you leave, but I don’t think it is. I think you’re feeling out of your comfort zone and that’s freaking you out.”
“Maybe.” I hated that she was probably right.
“But if you think it’s more serious, I can find you a doctor to speak to or a therapist.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “You’re one of the good guys. Do you know that, Addison Stone?”
“Shush. That’s our secret. I’m the ice queen, remember? Don’t let people find out I’m squishy and lovable deep down.”
“Thanks. I appreciate you listening.”
“Always, Dawson. You know that. I wanted you to be a part of the label for a reason, and that won’t ever change. If you want them, go make them yours.”
And with that, I pushed up from the floor, feeling lighter than I’d done in weeks.
“Thanks, Addi.”
“Call me anytime, Dawson. I mean it.”
I hung up my phone and turned to leave. “Holy fucking hell. Where did you come from?”
Marshall leaned against the closed door, his giant arms folded over his chest. “Sorry. Fox and Lea were worried about you, so they asked me to come back and find you.”
“You’ve left him on his own?”
He dropped his arms, obviously frustrated. “Of course not. Pete put people on his room.”
“Your job is to watch Fox.”
“And Fox was worried about you. Apparently, you’re meant to have a bodyguard with you.”
I huffed out a sigh. “No one’s bothered about me.” I didn’t mean it to sound as needy and pathetic as it did.
“You have two people in that hotel who are very bothered about you, chief.”
I rolled my eyes and then it hit me. “How much did you hear?”
“Should I lie or tell you the truth?”
“Always the truth.”
“I think most of it.”
